Tags: Friendship | Cures | Emotional | Injury

Friendship Cures Emotional Injury

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Thursday, 14 May 2015 11:37 AM Current | Bio | Archive

Many of you would rather crumble into microscopic fragments than admit to weakness, fear, aloneness, sadness, or one of myriad normal, human emotions. One of the prime reasons for this discomfort with being open about those types of feelings is a fear of rejection or negative judgment.

The fear of being humiliated by admitting weakness of any kind can keep you from getting the emotional support that is so completely necessary for everyone. Without such support, life can become quite unhappy, even debilitating.

I recently received a call on my daily radio program that touched me deeply. The caller was a young man who wanted to know what it meant that he felt a moral obligation to "fix" anyone who told him of any sort of problem they were having. I immediately inquired about his childhood family experience. His parents were always fighting and he spent his young years alone.

He had learned to seal himself off at a very early age to cope with the ugly discord he endured with acrimonious parents — parents so unaware, as so many are, of how destructive their behavior is to their children.

I asked him if he thought he could put together the concepts. Could the childhood coping skills he developed have anything to do with why he felt so obligated to remedy other people’s problems? I counted on his obvious intelligence to connect the dots. And he did: "Could it be that I want to fix things for people because nobody ever did that for me?" he asked.

He then asked me how he should proceed with his life. "You need to make friends,” I said. “Isolating yourself as you do makes it impossible for you to ever experience the joy of having a real friend be there with tenderness at a time you need it most. It is a blessing to experience such a friendship."

It is true that sometimes when we reach out to who we think is a friend we get what feels like rejection or abandonment. Some people don't have the capacity for giving because they are too self-involved or have other issues that make them anxious embracing someone in pain. However, I always suggest that folks assess gently who in their lives is emotionally and psychologically available to be caretaking and supportive in tough times. Nobody should dump their "stuff" on whoever will listen.

It is true that some folks overwhelm and burden others incessantly whining or complaining. That is probably the time to see a professional mental health specialist. But even then, being able to let down one's guard and be totally open with someone trustworthy and compassionate can help end emotional suffering. Let the touch of a friend help you with your emotional burden.

Dr. Laura (Laura Schlessinger) is a well-known radio personality and best-selling author. She appears regularly on many television shows and in many publications. Read more reports from Dr. Laura — Click Here Now.





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DrLaura
The fear of being humiliated by admitting weakness of any kind can keep you from getting the emotional support that is so completely necessary for everyone. Without such support, life can become quite unhappy, even debilitating.
Friendship, Cures, Emotional, Injury
491
2015-37-14
Thursday, 14 May 2015 11:37 AM
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