Tags: Forgiveness

Learn to Let Go

Monday, 10 November 2014 08:52 AM Current | Bio | Archive

Years ago, someone I trusted who took advantage of me in a big way. It is not the only time it has happened to me. It is a fact of life that there are folks out there willing to manipulate others for personal gain.

Years later I walked up to him in a public arena and asked him if I could talk to him. First I told him in no uncertain terms what he had done. Then I told him I was sad and angry about it because the relationship we had up to that point had been so mutually satisfying and beneficial that I missed that.

When I was done I expected him to walk away. Instead he looked me square in the eye and said, "I did a lot of things wrong, and I have regret."

I was quite surprised. I thanked him for handling the moment the way he did. He then asked — surprise again — if he could hug me. I decided it was fine, as a public demonstration of his remorse. We are now quite pleasant to each other.

The other day a third party commented that it was nice that I forgave him. My response was,  "No, I haven't forgiven him. I just decided to let it go.”

So many people get letting it go and forgiveness confused. And since forgiveness has a profound religious connotation for some people, they almost feel obligated to use those words when indeed in their hearts they can't or shouldn't forgive. Yes, there are some things that I believe are unforgivable.

"I'm sorry I murdered your child," or "I'm sorry I molested you your whole childhood," does not earn forgiveness in my book. But it does ease the rage somewhat, even if said only to avoid punishment. It is hard to know someone's soul.

After an offense occurs, I recommend always to let some time go by so both parties can think about what has happened. It is important for people to confront the wrongdoer and present the facts about the injury without demanding an apology. If after presenting your point of view the other person does not deal with you in an honorable way, it’s time to walk away.

If full responsibility is admitted and responsibility is taken, it is possible for you to unburden your psyche and just let it go. It is a good feeling to have your hurt recognized, acknowledged, and respected.

 Letting it go is to give up hating. One can be safe in the knowledge that you know who they are and you have survived the hurts they inflicted on you.

Dr. Laura (Laura Schlessinger) is a well-known radio personality and best-selling author. She appears regularly on many television shows and in many publications. Read more reports from Dr. Laura — Click Here Now.


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So many people get letting it go and forgiveness confused.
Monday, 10 November 2014 08:52 AM
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