Criticism? Deal With It

Raise your hand if you look forward to someone criticizing you.

I'll just assume nobody's hand is up.

Of course it is unpleasant to have someone be critical about our behavior. We all fear that if someone doesn't like something about what we say or do, this will evolve into them not liking us. That hurts.

The first thing to do when you are being criticized is to examine the source. Some people are just negative, nasty, and competitive. That's just a fact of life. When someone you don't respect criticizes you, don’t worry about it. Pretend to listen and move on as if it didn’t happen.

When criticism comes from a caring individual, it still doesn't mean the person is right, but — and this is key — there might be some kernel of truth you could use to better yourself.

If you feel this is the case, take the time to truly listen and ask questions. Asking for clarification or examples might help you better use the information, no matter how unpleasant it feels. This can go a long way to becoming a better person — and make the best of a potentially ugly situation.

When you show interest in what the person criticizing you has to say, you demonstrate trust in that person and give yourself someplace else to go besides tearful defensiveness or anger. That will make the process of hearing them out easier on both of you. You might want to share the feelings, thoughts, or experiences you've had which may have contributed to whatever they are criticizing you for.

Sharing such information helps the other person understand you better.

Don't retaliate. Don't be critical of the person in return.

That type of hostile,defensive behavior will not only cost you a friend it, will also not do anything to help you become better. Tell the person you are going to give this all some thought, and that we can talk again. Or immediately come back with a display of appreciation and a game plan for changing whatever aspect of yours that is being examined.

Most of the time, we walk away from criticism feeling bad. If you come back with a plan, it makes you feel more on top of the situation with a positive outlook.

When all is said and done, send the criticizer a thank you note. That's right — a thank you note. Without people who care about us enough to give us truthful, productive criticism, we would never meet our full potential.

Dr. Laura (Laura Schlessinger) is a well-known radio personality and best-selling author. She appears regularly on many television shows and in many publications. Read more reports from Dr. Laura — Click Here Now.