Tags: counseling | covid | internet | premarital

For That Successful Marriage: Choose Wisely, Treat Kindly

marriage success

(Michael Kuelbel/Dreamstime)

By Tuesday, 28 July 2020 01:25 PM Current | Bio | Archive

This might seem way too naive or simplistic. but, really, it isn’t that difficult to have a great marriage.

This email came into my SiriusXM radio program and it says it all: "I am 45 years old, have been menopausal a few years, am still in good shape, and am so fortunate to have a man who loves and appreciates me for exactly who and what I am. "He tells me not to change a thing, not even to tweeze the errant hairs I get sometimes. He also tells me that every mile he runs is so he can stay in shape to please me. This unconditional love feeds my desire for him. "I also follow the Dr. Laura 'guideline' of saying 'yes' rather than 'no,' and I’m so glad I do — every single time! It’s energizing, intimate, and loving — who wouldn’t want more of that in their life?"

Remember ladies, that in marriage, you are his only source of sexual intimacy, and a man needs his woman. If you deprive him of that aspect of life, it is truly a waste of a very good thing! And in my mind, he would have every right to leave you and go find his satisfaction elsewhere. A sexless life is no life at all." If I ruled the world, no one would be married without six to nine months of professional premarital counseling.


Because lovey or passionate feelings are not enough for the long haul of a marriage. Once the situation grows from virtual fantasy to full-on real life, that is usually when the problems become painful — and the spouses are not prepared.

Instead of turning to each other, they turn on each other.

One week on my radio program I had "had it" with women calling to complain about their husbands. Of course, they all had between one and three children by the time I get the phone call. It was when yet another woman, when pressed, admitted that she saw all this behavior in the time they dated, but, oh well, wanted to keep sliding down the lovely hill into hell.

The situation is even better when they tell me — mature people in their 30s or 40s — they got married after knowing each other for only a few months/minutes or only on the internet or by long distance.

At first they try to tell me that they didn’t see the angry outbursts, abuse of drugs or alcohol, terrible relationships with parents, financial irresponsibility, illegitimate children with some past "relationship," laziness, selfcenteredness, and on and on.

I finally figured out that the trick to getting them to admit the truth is simply to say: "So, how did you deal with these behaviors before the wedding?"

Another caller complained that because of the COVID-19 change in work schedules, she now wants to sleep in, but her husband keeps making all kinds of noise and wakes her up.

I suggested that he is blatantly doing that because he simply wants and needs her company in the morning. With all the stress and challenges of late, some folks yearn for more connection to their primary loved one.

I explained that as the reason he continues to "make noise" and suggested she get up with him and share coffee before he goes to work. You would have thought I’d told her to drain her body of blood.

And so, I come back to the beginning: Choose wisely, treat kindly.

Dr. Laura (Laura Schlessinger) is a well-known radio personality and best-selling author. She appears regularly on many television shows and in many publications. Read Dr. Laura's Reports — More Here.

August July

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Mature people in their 30s or 40s, they got married after knowing each other for only a few months/minutes or only on the internet or by long distance. They try to tell me that they didn’t see the angry outbursts, abuse of drugs or alcohol, and on and on.
counseling, covid, internet, premarital
Tuesday, 28 July 2020 01:25 PM
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