Tags: Anxiety | Depression

When Ending a Friendship Is Painful

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Wednesday, 16 Dec 2015 01:54 PM Current | Bio | Archive

Among the saddest type of caller questions I get on my radio program are those from people dealing with the painful end of a friendship.

The conversation typically starts like this: “We’ve been friends for 20 years. We’ve been there for each other through hard times. Nothing in particular happened to end our friendship, but he/she has moved on. This is a huge loss for me. Isn’t it a huge loss for her?”

When something big and ugly happens to end a friendship, everybody is clear as to why there is a rift. It is the quiet, sneaky progression of distance and apathy that takes us by surprise.

Perhaps the friend has started to drink more, or indulge in pain medication. Perhaps the friend is having an affair.

Perhaps the friend has buddied up with someone who elevates their social status.

Perhaps the friend seems to just focus on negatives and spend most of together time in self-indulgent whining. There are many “perhaps” scenarios in the end of a friendship.

You may have tried to be understanding. But you start to realize that this isn’t the same person you know as your friend. You try to excuse their behavior. You try and try and try.

The more you try to reconstruct what was, you find yourself sinking deeper into an abyss of confusion: “Why doesn’t she/he care as much as I do?”

After that, you start feeling bad about yourself and ask, “Why aren’t I worth it to them? How am I so disposable?”

Unfortunately, there is never a satisfying answer. We really don’t know why or what is going on in somebody else’s head unless they are willing to be honest and open.

We can’t fix something when we can’t get our hands on the broken parts.

There is a season for all things, including friendship. People change, not always for the better. People make life choices, not always wise ones.

So what do you do? Suffer – for a while.

The loss of an intimate friend with whom you can share everything, who accepts, understands, supports, and nurtures is devastating. Mourning the loss takes time.

Keep in mind though that one thing hasn’t changed: the history you had. Even after the relationship is over, to paraphrase Rick in the classic film Casablanca, in a sense, you still “always have Paris.”

Newsmax August 

Dr. Laura (Laura Schlessinger) is a well-known radio personality and best-selling author. She appears regularly on many television shows and in many publications. Read more reports from Dr. Laura — Click Here Now.


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DrLaura
You start to realize this isn’t the same person you know as your friend. You try to excuse their behavior. You try. The more you try to reconstruct what was, you find yourself sinking deeper into an abyss of confusion. There is never a satisfying answer.
Anxiety, Depression
427
2015-54-16
Wednesday, 16 Dec 2015 01:54 PM
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