Tags: Cybersecurity | Health Topics | analyze | covid | punishment | socratic

Yes, Children Learn Their Parents' Bad Behavior

Yes, Children Learn Their Parents' Bad Behavior

(Satjawat Boontanataweepol/Dreamstime)

By Friday, 26 March 2021 02:56 PM Current | Bio | Archive

Sadly, most parents, busy with life and demoralized by COVID-19, think that "punishment" or "consequences" for misbehaving children consists of yelling, lecturing, sending them to their room, or taking away their smartphone for 15 minutes.

Then they wonder why the child’s behavior isn’t changing.

Let me give you just two reasons why. First: Monkey see, monkey do. Seems like a silly phrase. Well, it’s not.

So many parents call me with complaints about how their children are acting and reacting with them, and with their siblings. Most often I listen carefully, ask tons of questions, and then ask the damning question: "Where do you think he/she learned this behavior?" Their immediate answer is usually: "I don’t know."

Avoidance and deflection.

The truth is that the adults also need to be experiencing "consequences."

A father called my radio show several times to complain about his son.

The man had his own sad family history, and he admitted he wasn’t very loving or complimenting to his wife.

I suggested he start being sweet to his wife — like at the dinner table where the entire family experiences everything together — and give her compliments.

During that first call he seemed confused that my advice was not directed at straightening out his son. I asked him to trust me and call back in a week.

The following week he called to report what he thought was some kind of magic.

His son gradually toned down his bad attitude while dad beefed up his good attitude.

Second: Try a version of the Socratic method. Instead of useless lecturing of children — they aren’t listening anyway, I know I didn’t — or the useless removal of a cellphone for a brief period of time, or yelling and threatening, try getting them to analyze the situation for themselves.

A mother called my radio show with her 11-year-old son. When a parent/child call comes in, I generally talk only to the child. This young man (because he seemed too mature and bright to call a child) had been lying.

He admitted to it, and his parents were at wits’ end to stop the lying. I chatted casually with him for a few moments and realized he was definitely bright and forthcoming.

I asked him to give me three wonderful reasons to lie!

Here is what he said:

1. Get out of trouble for whatever it was that he did wrong.

2. Please his parents (tell them something he knew they would want to hear).

3. Create a good impression of himself I mean, really, how insightful and honest an answer is that! I usually have to struggle to get adults to be this open. I complimented him on these salient points and then asked him to give me three wonderful reasons not to lie.

Here is what he said:

A. Be trusted by his parents

B. Develop character which would serve him in his adult life

C. Create better atmosphere in the home I asked him to make a conscious choice then to lie or not to lie — a choice, a decision rather than knee-jerk behavior.

He said he would. I hope they call back soon.

Dr. Laura (Laura Schlessinger) is a well-known radio personality and best-selling author. She appears regularly on many television shows and in many publications. Read Dr. Laura's Reports — More Here.

Newsmax April

© 2021 Newsmax. All rights reserved.


DrLaura
So many parents call me with complaints about how their children are acting and reacting with them, and with their siblings. Most often I listen carefully, ask tons of questions, and then ask the damning question: "Where do you think he/she learned this behavior?"
analyze, covid, punishment, socratic
557
2021-56-26
Friday, 26 March 2021 02:56 PM
Newsmax Media, Inc.
 

Newsmax, Moneynews, Newsmax Health, and Independent. American. are registered trademarks of Newsmax Media, Inc. Newsmax TV, and Newsmax World are trademarks of Newsmax Media, Inc.

NEWSMAX.COM
America's News Page
© Newsmax Media, Inc.
All Rights Reserved