I've gottten my hands on a letter Mother Nature wrote to Al Gore and I want to share it with you.

Dear Mr. Gore:

Keeping things on an even keel around here keeps me pretty busy, and I ordinarily don't pay any attention to the comings and goings of individual tenants on my planet, but lately your frenzied activities with all this silly global warming stuff has gotten just a bit much for me to ignore.

I'm vastly amused, and not a little bit annoyed, over your ludicrous attempts to fiddle around with CO2 levels through international regulations ruinous to the global economy in the hopes that the alleged heating of the planet can be stopped in its tracks.

Listen Buster, if I got it into my head to raise the earth's thermostat to broil, which is not the case, there's not a single thing you puny little politicians could do about it. Keep in mind, it's not you, or all those scientists riding the grant-laden global warming gravy train, or your precious little U.N. that's in charge of climate — I am!

This notion that mankind can be forced to reduce atmospheric levels of CO2 by reducing its carbon footprint — I love these disingenuous terms you invent to bolster your shabby case — is sheer nonsense, based as it is on the false notion that human activities are mainly responsible for the buildup of the greenhouse gas CO2 in the atmosphere.

Now Al, you know that the principal greenhouse gas is water vapor which accounts for about 95 percent of all the greenhouse gases floating around out there.

The other 5 percent is composed of carbon dioxide, methane, nitrogen dioxide, and various others including CFCs, with carbon dioxide being by far the greatest greenhouse gas contributor among them at 3.6 percent.

But carbon dioxide as a result of man's activities accounts for barely 3.2 percent of that, thus only 0.12 percent of all the greenhouse gases in total.

Says Dr. Reid Bryson, widely acclaimed as the father of meteorology, "Eighty percent of the heat radiated back from the surface is absorbed in the first 30 feet by water vapor . . . And how much is absorbed by carbon dioxide? Eight hundredths of one percent. One one-thousandth as important as water vapor. You can go outside and spit and have the same effect as doubling carbon dioxide."

You insist that the arctic regions are getting warmer all the time. And that polar ice and the snow pack is melting. You ignore the fact that last August when the Russians planted their flag at the bottom of the arctic ocean at the North Pole, they had to use a nuclear powered ice breaker to get there. In August!

As I write this much of the northern hemisphere is being assaulted by bitterly cold and often sub-zero weather and deep snowfall, yet winter has not yet even officially begun. Do you ever ask yourself if the polar regions are getting warmer, how can they produce and deepen the frigid snow packs that continue to send such cold air southward?

Let me explain this in simple terms. Cold fronts originate when the winds pass over areas covered with deep snow and ice packs. The colder those areas, and the deeper the snow packs the colder the fronts that are sent southward. Obviously, were those areas warming, the cold fronts would be less cold. Right?

So how cold has it been up there? Is it really warming? According to The Associated Press last March a pair of explorers intent on donning body suits and swimming through areas where polar ice has allegedly melted had to turn back when one of them, Live Arnesen, got severe frost bite on her tootsies.

Just how cold was it up there, Al where your global warming is supposed to be heating things up? When the two measured the temperature inside their tent one night it was 58 degrees below zero, while outside the temperatures were exceeding 100 degrees below zero at times.

Some warming!

And this year, the snowfall to date in Anchorage for the month of November was more than twice as much as normal, and much, much greater than last year, when records were set. Snow, freezing rain are hammering the Northeast — winter storm warnings are in effect in Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine on Dec. 3, and in parts of New York state.

As Dr. William Gray of Colorado State University has noted, "after rising steadily in the early 20th century, in 1940 the temperature suddenly levels off — no, it goes down. For the next 35 years! If the planet is getting steadily warmer because of Industrial Age greenhouse gases, why did it get cooler when industries began belching out carbon dioxide at full tilt at the start of World War II?"

And that's not all. According to Meteorologist Joe D’Aleo, the Southern Hemisphere (Antarctica) has quietly set a new record for most ice extent since 1979. The Southern Hemispheric areal coverage is the highest in the satellite record, just beating out 1995, 2001, 2005 and 2006. Since 1979, the trend has been up for the total Antarctic ice extent.

He explains that while the Antarctic Peninsula area has warmed in recent years and ice near it diminished during the Southern Hemisphere summer, the interior of Antarctica has been colder and ice elsewhere has been more extensive and longer lasting, which explains the increase in total extent.

This dichotomy was shown in a World Climate Report blog posted recently with a similar tale told by Ohio State Researcher David Bromwich, who agreed: 'It’s hard to see a global warming signal from the mainland of Antarctica right now.'"

I would expect that all of these inconvenient truths would make some impression on you and convince you that you are badly mistaken, but sadly, you have already shown that you reject things that contradict your political goals.

For example, in 1995, CIA officials dispatched a secret report to the White House based upon their large dossier documenting the corrupt practices of your bosom buddy, then-Russian Prime Minister Viktor Stepanovich Chernomyrdin, with whom you co-chaired the Gore-Chernomyrdin Commission.

According to the CIA, Russian security sources revealed that the private assets that Chernomyrdin had accumulated in his official position, ran into the billions of dollars.

How did you take that inconvenient truth? When the confidential classified report on Chernomyrdin reached you, you refused to accept it. Instead, you sent it back to the CIA with the word "bull****" scrawled across it.

When The New York Times first reported this inconvenient fact, the Clinton White House and certain CIA officials denied that the report existed. The National Journal, however, reported approximately six months later that it had independently confirmed the Times account. Moreover, a few months later still, the Washington Post wrote that CIA sources, "had it that the report came back with 'bull****!' scrawled in the vice president's handwriting."

Please be warned: Don't treat this letter in a similar manner. Such scrawled notations will be treated with severity. You'll discover that while you can get away with dissing the CIA it's not wise to fool with Mother Nature, a gal who keeps lightning bolts and destructive whirlwinds in her knapsack. And she knows where you live!

Sincerely,

Mother Nature

Phil Brennan is a veteran journalist and World War II Marine who writes for Newsmax.com. He is editor and publisher of Wednesday on the Web (http://www.pvbr.com) and was Washington columnist for National Review magazine in the 1960s.

He also served as a staff aide for the House Republican Policy Committee and helped handle the Washington public relations operation for the Alaska Statehood Committee which won statehood for Alaska.

He is also a trustee of the Lincoln Heritage Institute and a member of the Association For Intelligence Officers.

He can be reached at pvb@pvbr.com.