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Thursday Jun 27 2013

The Tonight Show Starring with Leno

Yesterday, the Supreme Court opened the door for same-sex marriage to resume in California. Apparently, the judges were really swayed by that Liberace movie.

Now that the Supreme Court has overturned the Defense of Marriage Act, this ruling means California gay guys can finally marry someone other than Liza Minnelli.

President Obama is currently on a week-long trip to Africa, where he will promote freedom, democracy, and economic opportunity. I guess he figured it hasn't worked here — so try it somewhere else.

The Girl Scouts announced that their pension plan has a $347 million deficit. The Girl Scouts are $347 million in debt so in addition to teaching girls about camping it also is preparing them for careers in government.

The Tonight Show Starring with Conan

Paula Deen's new cookbook is already on Amazon's best-seller list. As a result, Rachael Ray declared that she's not crazy about Mexicans.

Paula Deen's book isn't even out yet and it's already number one on Amazon. And at the bottom of the sales page it says, "Customers who like this book may also like Alabama in the 1950s."

"Sesame Street" has laid off 10 percent of its workers. The Count told everybody "You have 1, 2, 3 minutes to clean out your desk."

Scientists have discovered that men are genetically programed to look at other women. So sorry, ladies, it's science. I've got to do what I've got to do.

The Tonight Show Starring with Letterman

It's gay pride week here in New York City. Here's how you can tell. The construction workers are hooting at EACH OTHER.

And then of course they have the big gay pride parade. I'm going as Cindi Lauper.

The gay pride parade starts on West 12th Street and ends in Sarah Jessica Parker's walk-in shoe closet.

President Obama gave a big address about climate change. I'm doing my part. Night after night I come out here and barely expend any energy whatsoever.

The Tonight Show Starring with Ferguson

It is a great day, of course, for supporters of gay marriage. Congratulations to same-sex couples. You can now be as miserable as everybody else.

If you really don't want gay people to get married, you shouldn't ban gay marriage. You should ban gay divorce.

It's been a bit of a week for the Supreme Court. Yesterday they ruled that it's okay for gay people to get married. Today, they ruled it's okay for straight people to rollerblade.

I loved the "Lethal Weapon" movies. Mel Gibson is an unbalanced hothead who could explode at any moment. I don't recall what he played in the movie.

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