Wednesday Feb 10 2010

The Tonight Show Starring with Leno

The Tonight Show Starring with Conan

The Tonight Show Starring with Letterman

In New York City this morning, the snow was a tremendous sight. It was whiter than a tea party rally.

A couple feet of snow here in New York City. I hope we don’t lose Mayor Bloomberg again.

President Obama wants to have a televised debate with Republicans. The Who is going to play at half time.

The Tonight Show Starring with Letterman Top Ten

None of us ever paid taxes on our winnings

Ninety percent of all contestants are bartenders, the other 10 percent — cocktail waitresses

Many contestants go on to do great things, like host boat shows

We use our wits, our stamina, and any four star hotel in the area

A scorpion once climbed up my pants and stung me in the crotch

Appearance on the show was a condition of my parole

Winner gets $1 million, everyone else gets a tote bag and ringworm

To compete with "Lost," we've added hatch, a polar bear and a really fat guy

Being on "Survivor" is almost as hellish as being on Letterman

Several contestants later posed for Playboy — and I'm one of them

The Tonight Show Starring with Ferguson

The Tonight Show Starring with Kimmel

The snow just won’t stop. They’re already calling this the “Toyota” of storms.

Valentine’s Day is Sunday, just after Super Bowl Sunday. What a roller coaster it has been for men.

The cast of “Jersey Shore” spent the day making orange-tinted snow angels.

There was so much snow in New York City that Whoopi Goldberg was unable to make it to “The View,” which means they only had eight hosts.

The Tonight Show Starring with Jimmy Fallon

It’s so cold out there, the writing on Sarah Palin's hand said, "Economy, jobs, put gloves on, stupid!"

New York City canceled public schools for only the third time in six years. That's crazy, right? Only three times in six years — or what the Knicks would call, "a win."

The U.N. here in New York was also closed because of the snowstorm. That could be bad. I mean if the U.N. is closed, who’s gonna do nothing?

President Obama told White House reporters that his meeting with bipartisan congressional leaders went, quote, "well." When asked why he was being so vague, he was like, "Because."

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