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Wednesday Jul 06 2016

The Tonight Show Starring with Conan

A couple in North Carolina was arrested for attacking each other with pizza rolls. They’ve been charged with two counts of "Deserving each other."

Marvel announced that the next Iron Man will be an African-American woman. However, in keeping with Hollywood tradition, she will still be played by Robert Downey Jr.

The Juno satellite probe which hasn’t been heard from in five years and has been traveling through deep space finally reached Jupiter yesterday and reestablished contact with Earth. The Jupiter satellite’s first message was, "The Republican Nominee is WHO?"

Although Hillary Clinton was cleared of charges in the investigation of her deleted emails, her actions were described by the FBI as "extremely reckless." However in her defense, the report pointed out that she was Hillary reckless, not Bill reckless.

It's rumored that Snoop Dogg will perform at the Democratic Convention. When he heard this, Donald Trump immediately took him off his vice presidential list.

In a speech yesterday, Donald Trump praised Saddam Hussein for killing terrorists. He also said Hitler was a wonderful dancer and Stalin made a great omelette.

A new app has come out that describes itself as "Uber for Sushi." The app tells you exactly how many minutes away your E.coli is.


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