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Thursday Aug 06 2015

The Tonight Show Starring with Conan

The big Republican debate is tonight. Everyone is curious what Donald Trump's going to do, right? Political analysts say Trump's game plan is to wing it and see what happens. It's the same game plan used by his barber.

Donald Trump said prior to the debate that he wants to be very civil. He said that instead of referring to all Hispanics as criminals, he'll call them criminal Americans.

They're trying to figure out who should replace Alexander Hamilton on the $10 bill. The top choice is Eleanor Roosevelt. So better luck next time, Iggy Azalea.

A woman who just celebrated her 110th birthday credits her longevity to drinking lots of beer and Johnny Walker. Technically, her liver's 110. The woman herself is 43.

The Tonight Show Starring with Jimmy Fallon

Tonight is the first Republican debate over on Fox News. The moderator, Chris Wallace, said there's “so doggone many” candidates, and that he planned on asking them some “doozies.” He would've said more but he had to go back to the soda shop he works at in 1954.

There was a bit of a controversy at a Whole Foods in California that was charging six bucks for something called Asparagus Water. People were upset over this. Although, if you like drinking water that smells like asparagus, you're probably a dog and that's a toilet.

As part of something called “Summer Streets,” a 270-foot water slide is being set up in New York City this month. So tune into your local news to see how that goes horribly wrong.

Lay’s is once again letting people vote on its newest flavor of potato chips. Or as Americans put it, “Finally, an election we care about.”

The Tonight Show Starring with Seth Meyers

Tonight was the first Republican primary debate. If you missed it, just imagine your uncle at Thanksgiving dinner, and then multiply by 10.

It was reported this week that scientists are looking to reduce greenhouse gasses by limiting flatulence from cows. The way it works is, they’re gonna send all the cows on a bunch of first dates.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are being accused of sexism over a new campaign to target female fans by providing simplified explanations of basic rules. But if that’s the most sexist thing that happens in football this year, it's a pretty good year.

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