Monday Feb 24 2014

The Tonight Show Starring with Conan

The Sochi Olympics are over. Russia ended up with the most gold medals. They said they played like their lives were on the line because their lives WERE on the line.

Jason Collins became the first openly gay player to play in an NBA game. He also became the first NBA player not being pursued by a woman for child support.

Alec Baldwin announced he is stepping out of the media spotlight and leaving public life. Alec said, "I'm doing on purpose what my brothers did by accident."

According to a new study, women are more attracted to men who talk less. Which is why you often overhear women say, "Check out that mime."

The Tonight Show Starring with Letterman

Anybody see the closing ceremonies of the Olympics from Sochi? I thought Tina Fey and Amy Poehler did a great job.

In a moving moment at the end of the closing ceremonies, the giant Olympic flame was extinguished by a pack of wild dogs from Sochi.

Russia ended up with 33 medals. Only six of those were stolen by Putin.

Speaking of medals, the United States hockey team had no trouble getting through the airport metal detector.

The Tonight Show Starring with Ferguson

CNN is canceling Piers Morgan's talk show. Yes, it's been 238 years since the Declaration of Independence, but it still feels good telling the British guy to get out.

Larry King has offered to come back and replace Piers Morgan. Well, technically it wouldn't be "coming back." He's been living under the desk for the last three years.

In Mexico authorities captured the world's most wanted drug kingpin. He was hiding in a tiny little apartment. It was very anti-climactic. It was like Scarface saying, "Say hello to my little . . . kitchenette."

The Tonight Show Starring with Kimmel

The Winter Olympics wrapped up in Sochi last night. So goodbye, men in leotards. We'll see you again in four years.

The Russians finished up with a win in their favorite sport, the biathlon. What a country. They love biathletes, but they hate bi-athletes.

It's a landmark night for our show tonight. It's a milestone. This show tonight is our 2,000th show. I have to say, honestly, that I remember only about eight of them, maybe.

If this was Oprah's 2,000th show you guys here in the studio audience would probably walk away with some pretty cool stuff. But it's not Oprah. It's me. So you won't.

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