Doris Wild Helmering is a nationally known marriage and relationship counselor, weight loss expert, television and radio personality, and business management coach. She is author of nine books, 1,200 newspaper columns, six e-booklets, and has written for Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Self, and Scripps Howard News Service. She has been a guest on OPRAH, Good Morning America, and CNN. She received the Alumni Merit Award from St. Louis University for advancing the field of psychotherapy and the Woman of Achievement Award from Soroptimist International. She was awarded clinical status in the American Group Psychotherapy Association and the International Transactional Analysis Association.

You can visit her website at: www.doriswildhelmering.com .

Tags: mother-daughter | family | relationships | counseling

Write Down Your Complaints

By Wednesday, 21 October 2020 04:41 PM Current | Bio | Archive

A 24-year-old daughter had to move back home because of her financial problems. Both mother and daughter were concerned that the arrangement might not work, and they asked if I had any tips on how to keep their relationship happy.

I suggested that one of the best techniques I knew to side step an argument was to refrain from making critical comments. I further suggested that both the mother and daughter write down their complaints. Writing them would dissipate their own feelings without damaging the relationship.

Less than a week had gone by when mother and daughter decided to share their lists with each other. This was not part of my plan. However, as they read their lists, their laughter grew. It seemed that the mother had a preoccupation with bathing and water and the daughter was preoccupied with Mom’s appearance.

Here are some of the items the mother had on her list:

• Don't you brush your teeth first thing in the morning?

• Are you going to wear that shirt again without washing it?

• Would you please get your car fixed before your engine blows up?

• Isn't that the fourth shower you've taken today?

• There's a button missing on that blouse.

• Do you have your glasses?

• Wear a jacket. It's cold out there.

• Stop texting and go do something constructive.

• Your room is starting to look like a pig pen. Where is your pride?

• Don't forget to call your friend back.

The daughter listed these comments:

• Those shoes look ridiculous.

• Why are you wearing nylons with your shorts and sandals? If you could just see yourself.

• Can't you drive a little faster?

• Get those curlers out of your hair!

• That's not the way to pronounce her name. It's Oprah, not Oufrah.

• Don't you ever shave your legs?

• Are you going to stand here and listen to my entire conversation?

• Are you going to wear that? It has got to be a hundred years old.

• Why don't you just chill out, relax, calm down.

After going over each other's lists, mother and daughter decided that they both needed to keep their criticisms to themselves if the relationship was to be a happy one.

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World,” “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide,” and “Thin Becomes You” at Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com.

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A 24-year-old daughter had to move back home because of her financial problems. Both mother and daughter were concerned that the arrangement might not work, and they asked if I had any tips on how to keep their relationship happy.
mother-daughter, family, relationships, counseling
409
2020-41-21
Wednesday, 21 October 2020 04:41 PM
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