Doris Wild Helmering is a nationally known marriage and relationship counselor, weight loss expert, television and radio personality, and business management coach. She is author of nine books, 1,200 newspaper columns, six e-booklets, and has written for Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Self, and Scripps Howard News Service. She has been a guest on OPRAH, Good Morning America, and CNN. She received the Alumni Merit Award from St. Louis University for advancing the field of psychotherapy and the Woman of Achievement Award from Soroptimist International. She was awarded clinical status in the American Group Psychotherapy Association and the International Transactional Analysis Association.

You can visit her website at: www.doriswildhelmering.com .

Tags: marriage | infidelity | counseling | trust

Getting Over an Affair

By Wednesday, 05 August 2020 04:34 PM Current | Bio | Archive

A person I see in therapy says; “I had an affair two years ago and my wife won’t get off of it. She constantly brings up the affair. She says I don’t understand how hurt she is. I say, ‘Hey I gave up the affair. I apologized. I’m here. Get over it.’ What can I do to get her to stop thinking about the past?”

Man, you don’t get it. It takes about five years to get over an affair, and then rarely does trust come back 100%.

Each time your wife brings up the affair, something has triggered her bad feelings. And I bet there are plenty of times when your wife doesn’t bring up your affair even though she’s had thought of it and felt the hurt.

Instead of telling your wife to get over it, which is incredibly insensitive, apologize again and again for the hurt you have caused her.

For example, “I’m so sorry I hurt you. I love you. I care about you. You’re the best. And again, I am really sorry.”

After several thousand sincere apologies, yes, several thousand, such as the one above, your wife will be more able to move on in her life without being reminded on a daily basis.

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World,” “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide,” and “Thin Becomes You” Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com.

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It takes about five years to get over an affair, and then rarely does trust come back 100%.
marriage, infidelity, counseling, trust
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2020-34-05
Wednesday, 05 August 2020 04:34 PM
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