Doris Wild Helmering is a nationally known marriage and relationship counselor, weight loss expert, television and radio personality, and business management coach. She is author of nine books, 1,200 newspaper columns, six e-booklets, and has written for Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Self, and Scripps Howard News Service. She has been a guest on OPRAH, Good Morning America, and CNN. She received the Alumni Merit Award from St. Louis University for advancing the field of psychotherapy and the Woman of Achievement Award from Soroptimist International. She was awarded clinical status in the American Group Psychotherapy Association and the International Transactional Analysis Association.

You can visit her website at: www.doriswildhelmering.com .

Tags: marriage | counseling | work | divorce

Want Your Wife Back? Don't Be a Jerk

By
Thursday, 14 November 2019 04:37 PM Current | Bio | Archive

Jim came to my office because his wife has left him after 37 years of marriage. He wants her back. She does not have anyone else. She simply is fed up with him.

As we talked, I got him to help me make a list of behaviors that probably drove his wife away.

Worked too much. About 60 hours a week for years.

Unwilling to take vacations because of his job.

Drank too much in the early years of their marriage.

Got too angry when drinking. Never hit her but was verbally abusive.

Continues to get too angry when he doesn’t like what’s going on.

Gives her the silent treatment.

Gives her nice gifts, but they are things he likes. For example, a leaf blower, a big screen television, a new computer.

Didn’t take much responsibility with the children or housework because he was always at work.

Rarely helped make social plans.

Failed to say “thank you” and “I’m sorry” and “I love you.”

Never acted like he appreciated her salary and how she contributed to the household.

Didn’t show much kindness or love.

Showed affection only in bed.

Was too demanding when it came to sex.

Watched too much television.

Jim’s now putting in fewer hours at work. He’s watching very little television. He’s doing housework and now understands how much there is to do. He’s willing to learn how to be emotionally supportive. He’s working to keep his anger in check. He’s sorry and in a great deal of pain. He hopes she will come back.

If he continues to say he’s sorry and clean up his behavior, perhaps she will come back. It’s unfortunate that sometimes people have to leave their mate to get their point across.

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World,” “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide,” and “Thin Becomes You” at Doris’ web page: www.doriswildhelmering.com.

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Jim came to my office because his wife has left him after 37 years of marriage. He wants her back. She does not have anyone else. She simply is fed up with him.
marriage, counseling, work, divorce
318
2019-37-14
Thursday, 14 November 2019 04:37 PM
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