I’ve talked to a number of parents who feel their grown children do not treat them with respect.

Here are a few things parents have said they wanted:

• Please say hello and act like you’re happy to see me when I come for a visit. And when I call on the telephone, show some interest in what we’re talking about.

•  And please, please answer the telephone sometimes when I call. I know you’re available.

•  Ask about my life and what I’m doing.

•  You know I have little money. It would be nice if you helped me pay some of my doctor bills.

•  Respect my right to redecorate and change things in my house. Don’t tell me I don’t need a new sofa or family room furniture. I’m not ready to be buried yet.

•  Ask before you help yourself to food in the refrigerator.

•  If I tell you I don’t like something you’re doing, don’t punish me by not seeing me or not talking to me.

•  Sometimes invite me to one of your parties so I can meet your friends.

•  Just because you’ve changed religions, don’t ridicule mine.

•  Offer to bring something when you come to dinner.

•  Accommodate my schedule sometimes when we make a date to get together. I have a life too.

•  Once in a while come for dinner and stay the whole evening.

•  Stop ridiculing me when I tell you about something I’ve read about vitamins, or diet, or changes in the laws. I’m not always mistaken or stupid.

•  Tell me about your life and the people you’re dating.

•  Call back when you say you’re going to call back.

•  Say yes or no to an invitation in a timely manner. Don’t keep me on hold until the last day.

•  Remember my birthday and on time.

•  Be gracious and thank me when I give you a gift, rather than acting as though it’s too much trouble to open it.

•  Listen and believe me when I tell you I’m tired. Don’t push me to go on to one more store.

•  Invite me to dinner sometime.

•  Take a little time out of your life to remember to see your grandparents. They always took time with you when you were little.

•  Be on time for dinner or call when you’ll be late.

•  Pay back the money you owe me or talk to me about it.

•  Stop being critical of my taste in clothes.

•  If you borrow one of my appliances, return it without my having to ask.

•  Don’t get mad if I tell you I can’t baby sit, and don’t expect me to baby sit every weekend.

•  Stop talking about what I did wrong when I raised you. Tell me what I did right.

•  Give me a hug and a kiss when you leave.

•  Treat me as nicely as you treat your best friend.

Following these requests won’t solve all problems between parents and grown children. But it certainly sets the stage for a more respectful relationship.

Check out Doris’ latest books, “The Boy Whose Idea Could Feed the World,” “The Parent Teacher Discussion Guide,“ and “Thin Becomes You” at Doris’ web page: http://www.doriswildhelmering.com.

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