Dr. Aline Zoldbrod is a well-known Boston-based licensed psychologist, individual and couples therapist, and an AASECT certified sex therapist. She is the author of three commercially published books about sexuality and relationships. Her book, SexSmart: How Your Childhood Shaped Your Sexual Life and What to Do About It has been translated into four languages and was recognized as one of the top three sex-help books of the year. She is an adjunct faculty member at the University of Michigan Sexual Health Certificate Program. You can find her at sexsmart.com.
Tags: sexuality | erectile dysfunction | COVID-19 | Viagra

Surprising Sexual Opportunities in a Pandemic

By Friday, 24 April 2020 03:27 PM Current | Bio | Archive

The erectile dysfunction (ED) pill Viagra came out 22 years ago, on March 27, 1998. (I remember this date because it’s my late husband’s birthday.) Since that time, ED drugs have been a boon for millions upon millions of men’s sexual and emotional health.

I would never wish for a world in which these drugs did not exist — especially during the COVID-19 outbreak, when we are trapped in our houses, looking for something interesting to do.

But a quick look at the minuses of depending solely on ED drugs might spur you to do some important work on your sexual relationship.

On the plus side of equation are the benefits related to the importance of erection in men’s sense of gender and sexual identity. Men who are fearful that their erection will be unstable often shy away from initiating sex and even may refuse sexual offers from beloved and appealing partners.

On the minus side of depending on these drugs, particularly during what I call “3C”days (chronic  COVID-19 constraint), the emphasis on taking pharmaceuticals for easy erections actually aims most of us away from this huge opportunity for experimenting with other ways to experience sexual pleasure.

Couples have fallen into the trap of becoming dependent on ED drugs to solve what actually might have been time-limited erection problems

The drugs tend to create a sexual interaction that privileges penetration. For straight couples, especially those in long term relationships, focusing on penile/vaginal intercourse tends to shorten the time that couples spend in experimenting with touching each other — that is, the whole-body ways that women tend to treasure.

Many women have trouble feeling sexual arousal. All too often, that’s because the kissing and whole-body touching that builds up a sexual arousal and creates feelings of being cherishment has gotten short shrift in a couple’s sexual repertoire. I seen this dynamic in almost all couples, in fact. Any of us can fall into a sexual rut.

I encourage you to take some of the time you have at home these days to try my SexSmart BodyMap technique. Sexual interludes where each partner spends time touching all of the green areas on your BodyMaps will create the truly joyful sex we are so short on joy these days.

Dependence on drugs also tends to discourage important communication that might strengthen your sexual relationship over the long haul.

For instance, when working remotely with a couple recently using my SexSmart BodyMap technique, the man’s BodyMap revealed that he did not like the way his wife touched his genitals. In fact, his fear that she would touch him in this upsetting way was part of what made his erections unstable, leading him to want to take Viagra. He felt she was too harsh, and it made him feel more like an animal than like a partner.

That was his secret. The fact that he needed tender touch felt “unmanly” to him, so he had never shared it.

His wife was taken aback when she heard this from him, but she was empathized and changed how she touched him going forward. That simple change in the way she expressed her love transformed their entire sexual relationship. It also touched the man emotionally, and he stopped needing to take the ED drugs on which he had previously depended.

Who knows what you might find out if you use this time for some sexual exploration?

I’m not going to say that we should all be looking for the silver lining in COVID-19. But there are some sexual opportunities here that might be worth exploring.

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A quick look at the minuses of depending solely on ED drugs might spur you to do some important work on your sexual relationship.
sexuality, erectile dysfunction, COVID-19, Viagra
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2020-27-24
Friday, 24 April 2020 03:27 PM
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