Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
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The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien
At last night’s Dallas Cowboys game, President Bush was spotted sitting next to John Madden. Actually, a lot of people were spotted sitting next to John Madden.
According to a new book, former President Bush secretly supports gay marriage. Bush said, “If Bert and Ernie can make it work, anyone can.”
A new study shows that California has the dirtiest tap water in the country. California officials insist that the dirty water is fine as long as you chew it thoroughly.
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is coming to New York to address the United Nations, but many restaurants say they won’t serve him. You can tell which ones because their signs read, “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Holocaust, No Service.”
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Reasons President Obama Agreed To Appear on the 'Late Show'
10. Heard the lady with the heart-shaped potato was going to be here
9. Thought it would be fun to watch someone else get heckled
8. Has something to do with that whole "Cash for Clunkers" thing
7. Every president since Teddy Roosevelt has been here
6. In this economy, someone offers you $600, you take it
5. We told him Megan Fox would be here
4. Needed a place to hang out until check-in time at his hotel
3. Honestly, I have no idea
2. Said, "Yes" without thinking . . . Like Bush did with Iraq
1. Wanted to congratulate Dave on the big Emmy win
Late Show with David Letterman
The Emmys were on CBS last night. Wow, what a show. And I thought we outlawed torture.
I’m happy to say that the “Late Show” was nominated again this year . . . in an unusual category: We were right between Gov. Sanford’s meltdown and the “You lie!” guy.
That “You lie!” guy was so rude. I can’t believe how rude people are getting. And it’s everywhere: In Arizona, people keep ringing John McCain’s doorbell and running away.
President Obama is appearing on the show. I haven’t seen him since he invited me and Sarah Palin down to the White House for a beer.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Scientists have figured out that shower heads may harbor dangerous bacteria. To which the French replied, “We have known all along . . . that’s why we import them — to make cheese.”
Tonight the fall season starts on TV. “CSI Miami” is one of them. I’ve never understood how David Caruso wound up being a cop in Miami. When an Irish guy with pale skin goes to Miami, he bursts into flames.
There are many CSIs . . . “CSI Miami,” “CSI NY,” “CSI ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter’” . . .
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Rerun
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
President Obama was everywhere. He became the first president to appear on five Sunday morning talk shows. Five talk shows in one day— that’s a record. Though he still hasn’t topped Bush’s record of watching 10 straight Saturday-morning cartoons
A woman from Alabama won a dinner with Sarah Palin on eBay. It cost $63,000. Palin said she'll take the woman to the restaurant of her choice and then leave after the appetizers.
The No. 1 movie at the box office this weekend was “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.” Or as Al Roker calls it, “The greatest weather forecast of all time.”
The Jay Leno Show
Iranian President Mahmoud “I’m-a-Nutjob” is coming to New York this week. After he arrives, he’s driving his own cab in from the airport.
According to Newsweek, Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens is going to step down next year, which means there’s going to be another opening. Rumors are that Obama is going to pick Ellen DeGeneres.
In Massachusetts, Republicans are upset over a new tax hike on dogs. It was slipped into a bill at the last minute by Democrats. Democrats claim they’re only going to be taxing dogs that make over $250,000 a year, though.
A man in Fresno, Calif., was arrested after he tried to trade his dad’s Lincoln in for $50 worth of crack. The man said he was just trying to stimulate the auto industry through his “Crack for Clunkers” program.
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