Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
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The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Big blowout in West Virginia for Hillary. Which means that one day she could be president of . . . West Virginia.
Her campaign is $20 million in debt. With $20 million in debt . . . she could be president.
Money is so tight in her campaign. Yesterday, I understand she was wearing a rented pantsuit.
Political experts say Hillary Clinton will soon have to face the moment of truth. They campaign and lie to us for six months, and we only get a moment of truth.
Late Show with David Letterman
Barbara Walters’ new book “Auditions,” is crazy, because all along we though she was a serious journalist . . . dedicated . . . but oh man.
Last night she was interviewed on “Larry King.” During a commercial, they were married and divorced.
The economy is starting to stink. Over at St. Patrick’s Cathedral, they’re starting to water down the holy water.
And down in Times Square I saw a hooker wearing a sign that said, “Will accept stimulus checks.”
Late Night with Conan O'Brien
In a recent speech, Barack Obama said he has visited all 57 states. After hearing this, President Bush said, “Ha-ha . . . he forgot Alaska and Hawaii.”
The other day a man in London dressed as Darth Vader assaulted two men dressed as Jedi knights. He got drunk and assaulted two men dressed as Jedi knights. He was sentenced to two months in jail and 10 more years living in his parents’ basement.
In Wisconsin, a driver took a wrong turn and crashed into the bathroom at a Taco Bell. The Taco Bell’s owner is calling it the second worst bathroom accident that day.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Celebrity birthdays: Dennis Rodman and Harvey Keitel. Not only are they born on the same day, they’re both ex-boyfriends of Madonna. What are the chances? Actually, pretty good if you think about it.
A new survey says that of the 10 fastest growing cities in America, four of them are in Texas: Dallas, Houston, Austin . . . and Narnia.
San Antonio is the city I want to go to. Home of the Alamo. Davy Crockett wore a dead animal on his head. Like Donald Trump.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Rerun
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