Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
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The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Hillary’s people say it’s not over till the fat lady sings. To which Bill Clinton said, “There’s a fat lady? Where?”
Hillary said she will not give up. She will go to the convention and win . . . to which the bartender said, “Ma'am, it’s 2 a.m. We’re closing.”
Hillary’s new slogan: “I’m Just in It Now to Annoy the Hell Out of Everybody.”
Political experts say the only thing to stop Barack Obama now is a major sex scandal, and that’s not going to happen because Barbara Walters said, “He’s way too young for me.”
Late Show with David Letterman
Hillary just won’t quit. You have to admire somebody against all odds who just won’t quit. She has absolutely no chance of being president. And she’s running out of money. Today she was wearing a certified pre-owned pantsuit.
If you look at this historically, it’s not that hard to believe that Hillary is still campaigning. Once a year . . . in his basement . . . Al Gore gives a State of the Union address.
Jenna Bush got married over the weekend. It was so lovely. At the reception, President Bush got to dance with his lovely daughter. It was the first time he’s led in eight years.
Bush danced with everyone at the reception. Then Cheney shot the cake.
Late Night with Conan O'Brien
Over the weekend, President Bush’s daughter, Jenna, got married. Bush said, “I haven’t cried that much since Steve left ‘Blues Clues.’”
Afterwards, Bush said it was spectacular. When asked why, he said, “Three words: the chicken dance.”
Tomorrow is the West Virginia primary. Many political experts are expecting a record turnout. West Virginia voters said they’re being lured by the excitement of the campaign, the closeness of the race, and the promise of free squirrel meat.
Oliver Stone is making a movie about George Bush. It’s called “W.” He’s also making a movie about John McCain called, “No Country for Old Men.”
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
The big movie over the weekend? “Speed Racer.” It’s not a documentary about Mel Gibson.
The guys who made this movie made the “Matrix.” Which means the sequel will be crap.
The winner of the race goes on to make out with Keanu Reeves.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
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