The Best of Late Nite Jokes Edited by Newsmax.com

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

Hot today. It was so hot, I was sweating like John Edwards waiting to hear what his wife had to say on "Oprah."

Elizabeth Edwards is going to be on "Oprah." I wonder how many people would rather see her beat the crap out of her husband on "Jerry Springer."

They've been showing snippets of the interview all week. When asked about her husband, Elizabeth said that neither one of them is out the door. Maybe not — but you can bet one of them is on the couch.

As I understand it, John is looking for a third America to hide out in.

Late Show with David Letterman

Subway fare in New York is going up. But don't worry — it includes free aromatherapy.

Here's a story that won't go away: Brett Favre is coming out of retirement. He's going to quarterback for the Minnesota Twins. It's between him and Norm Coleman.

Here's a big story: Guy on an airplane smuggled some birds . . . 14 of them, in his pants. A flight attendant noticed the man's pants were cooing and chirping. He thought he had found Mr. Right.

Barack Obama met with the presidents of Afghanistan and Pakistan in Washington. He took them to Ray's Hell-Burger. The guy behind the counter taking orders? Rod Blagojevich.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Maine legalized gay marriage today. Maine became comfortable with the idea after years of touching Canada.

Bob Dylan's album is No. 1 on the charts. He beat out Miley Cyrus. An old man on top of a young woman? Sounds like a party at Hugh Hefner's house.

It's not a good day for Miss California. Some topless photos appeared on the Internet. She might be stripped of her title. I got very excited when I saw the headline that said, "She Might Be Stripped" . . . but then I saw "of Her Title."

Jimmy Kimmel Live!

The White House has a Twitter page now. Here's what it said: "I am a building. I am not doing anything."

Another: "The president is inside me. Weird."

The last one: "I wish I could go see 'Wolverine.'"

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Barack Obama and Joe Biden made a surprise trip outside the White House yesterday for burgers. Obama ordered a cheeseburger and Biden asked for "whatever comes with the toy.”

After they finished the meal, Obama put the duct tape back over Biden’s mouth.

The government is now recommending that schools stay open even if they have a confirmed case of swine flu. In one week, the swine flu has gone from the end of the world to not as bad as snow.

On this day in 1937 the Hindenburg exploded while attempting to land in New Jersey. Which was a tragedy, but hey, at least they avoided landing in New Jersey.