Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
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The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Texas Gov. Rick Perry says Texas could secede from the Union if it wanted to. Is that what we need? Another foreign country on our border speaking a language we don’t understand?
Former President Bush wasted no time responding. He said, “Wow — does that mean I get to be president again?”
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton says the United States is ready to talk to Cuba. See? We are already interviewing replacements for Texas.
It’s been reported that a congressional aide caught a staph infection at the congressional gym. If that’s all you catch from a congressman, you’re lucky.
Late Show with David Letterman
Beautiful day today. So nice, the priests over at St. Patrick’s were on the balcony dropping holy water balloons on the nuns.
Here’s something I don’t get: Earlier this week, there was a reunion of the bush administration. There’s one team you want to put back together.
George W. Bush is now in his ninth year of not being president.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Scientists have just discovered that all octopuses are poisonous. That means no sex with the Octo-Mom.
Russell Crowe is making a new movie where he plays Robin Hood. As much as I like Russell Crowe, I don’t need to see him in tights.
He’s gained weight. If he puts on any more weight, he’ll have to play Friar Chunk.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Ashton Kutcher and CNN have been competing to see who can get a million followers on Twitter first. I guess they have been rivals since high school.
Ashton won, but there has been some smack-talk between him and Larry King. They’re friends, though. They’re wives are the same age.
Kutcher and Twitter sound like reindeer names.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Huge news: Oprah finally joined Twitter. Finally — we get to know what’s on Oprah’s mind.
She can finally speak to fans who don’t like TV, magazines, books, the Internet, shopping . . .
Bobby Jindal, the Republican governor of Louisiana, criticized Dick Cheney today, saying he shouldn’t question Obama’s patriotism. In response, Cheney said, “I respect your opinion, that’s cool. Hey — would you like to go on a hunting trip this week?”
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