Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
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The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Politics is getting more and more exciting. According to insiders, Condoleezza Rice has been actively lobbying to be John McCain’s vice presidential candidate. That’d be interesting: Condoleezza Rice, John McCain . . . kinda like ebony and ornery.
John Edwards announced that he will not accept the nomination for vice president. He will not accept the vice presidential nomination. To which the cashier at Wendy’s said, “You want a frosty with this or not?”
A lot of Democrats are asking President Bush to boycott the opening of the Olympics. Well, good luck with that. With the flags, the parades, the balloons? He loves balloons!
The government says gas prices could hit 4 dollars a gallon. For those of you visiting California, welcome to tomorrowland! Four dollars a gallon? That’d mean it’s going down for us.
Late Show with David Letterman
Rerun
Late Night with Conan O'Brien
Earlier tonight, all three presidential candidates appeared on “American Idol.” Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell, looked at them and said, “Wait — there’s a black guy, a white woman, and a cranky guy. You stole our formula.”
The Olympic torch is here. Thousands gathered today in San Francisco to protest China’s policies toward Tibet. Still no word on why so many of them were in ass-less chaps.
A new TV commercial for Hillary Clinton says that she has a spine of steel. When he heard this, John McCain said, “Oh yeah? Well I’ve got a titanium hip.”
This week Madonna announced that she’s going to adopt a child from India. She already has one from Africa. When she heard about it, Angelina Jolie called Madonna and said, “I’ll see your India and raise you a Thailand.”
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
A couple of big birthdays today. Hugh Hefner and porn star Jenna Jameson. One is a cranky old geezer who has had sex with hundreds of women and the other is one is Hugh Hefner.
The city of L.A. is considering a tax for gaseous emissions. That’s it — pack up for New York.
It’s a great day for America. Daniel Radcliffe from “Harry Potter” will appear nude on Broadway. Thank you! Thank you! At last . . .
He will be appearing in a Broadway play in a 10-minute nude scene. Finally, I get to see Harry Potter’s wand.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
US Weekly had the spouses of the presidential candidates write articles about why they should get the vote. Bill Clinton said, “I believe my wife Hillary will make a better president than any of my other girlfriends.”
There’s more: A piece written for John McCain entitled “Vote for my Son,” was written by his father, Abraham Lincoln.
Disney has announced that they are filming “High School Musical 4.” Keep in mind they are still filming “High School Musical 3.” It makes you wonder how many years these kids can stay in high school.
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