Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
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The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
This weekend, Hillary Clinton said she has nothing against rich people. Of course not, she is one.
Turns out that Hillary and Bill earned $109 million over the past eight years. Hillary said that to her surprise her husband made a lot of money giving speeches. He made over $50 million dollars speaking. So apparently the only one not buying what Bill was saying is Hillary.
Hillary Clinton’s top campaign strategist, a man named Mark Penn, has had to step down. Apparently he just couldn’t come up with any more good fake stories.
While Barack Obama was in North Dakota he was greeted by what they’re calling the largest crowd ever to see a candidate in North Dakota. Over 17 people showed up.
Late Show with David Letterman
Rerun
Late Night with Conan O'Brien
Canada just announced they may boycott the summer Olympics, because of China’s treatment of Tibet. When asked about the boycott, Canada’s prime minister said, “I’m very angry at China — plus we suck at summer sports.”
Everyone’s talking about the candidates. A lot of people are whispering about John McCain’s temper. It’s been reported that John McCain once got so angry, he called his wife the worst thing you can call your wife: He called her Hillary.
Gen Petraeus testified on Capitol Hill today. He was questioned by Sens. Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. Obama and Clinton both had the same question for Petraeus: “Are you by any chance a superdelegate?”
The producer of the Latin Grammy Awards announced that the show is moving to Houston. The Latin Grammy Awards plan to get to Houston by sneaking over the border from Mexico.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Jay-Z and Beyonce — it has been confirmed: they finally tied the knot. They got married. If you want get them something, they are registered at “Bed, Bath, & Booty.”
The Democrats announced today their convention this summer will be the “greenest ever.” And the Republicans are doing their part too. For the Republican convention, John McCain is gonna switch to cloth diapers.
The Clintons are also in the news because their tax returns have been revealed. Apparently Bill Clinton charges $450,000 to talk at events. But if you want him to talk dirty, it’s free.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Adam Carolla was voted off “Dancing with the Stars” last night. How do you vote off a guy who makes an entrance on a unicycle?
The important thing is not whether he won or lost, it’s whether he gave his all . . . which he didn’t.
He gave his “some.”
Taxes are due next week. We all hate paying taxes, but without our tax money, many politicians would not be able to afford prostitutes.
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