Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
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The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
The Obama administration asked General Motors CEO Rick Wagoner to step down, and he agreed. This is good news for Obama; the last time he tried to get someone to quit, it took months — and even then, he had to promise her a job as secretary of state.
According to the government, Rick Wagoner was forced to resign because of poor performance. That’s embarrassing . . . run an organization that loses billions of dollars and then get fired by a guy who heads up an organization that loses trillions of dollars.
Here’s the part that I find odd: The government didn’t asked any of those Wall Street CEOs to quit. Isn’t that kind of a double standard? If you build Cadillacs, you’re screwed. But if your chauffeur drives a Cadillac, you’re OK.
I guess they are going to be in the car business. President Obama said the United States government will stand by your car warranty. So if you have a five-year warranty on your car, the government will stand by it. Assuming that the government is still around in five years.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs Your Wife Is Having An Affair With Bernie Madoff
10. She often comes home smelling "Madoffy"
9. Keep finding electronic monitoring bracelets under the bed
8. She told you she wants a divorce in 150 years
7. The orange jumpsuit mixed in with your dry cleaning
6. She complains about your "small returns"
5. Previously cheated on you with the CEOs of Tyco, Worldcom and Enron
4. Tells you, "I'm going out for a conjugal . . . I mean, to the store"
3. She keeps getting bouqets of roses from inmate #61727-054
2. Somehow bought a $2 million dollar necklace on a teacher's salary
1. When someone on the news mentions getting screwed by Madoff, your wife says, "Tell me about it"
Late Show with David Letterman
President Obama has asked the CEO of GM to take a seat. He’s going to be replaced by Jimmy Fallon.
Right after the announcement, the CEO, Rick Wagoner, hopped onto his private jet and flew to the unemployment office.
They found out that Bernie Madoff had an affair. Bernie? Cheat? Not the Bernie I know.
His wife says she knew nothing about his illegal activity. But she said she uncovered the affair through some credit card receipts. That she was able to figure out.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
We’re down to the final four now. And by that I mean we’re down to the final four working banks in America.
Barack Obama said that he is using his own money to redecorate the White House, and he is using taxpayers’ money to decorate the houses of the AIG executives.
MTV is putting actual music videos back on their network. If it works, Fox News is going to do actual news again.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Rerun
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