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The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
President Obama has filled the three remaining top jobs at the Treasury Department. Their job is to collect taxes from all the Cabinet members who haven’t paid them yet.
There was a very strange incident today at JFK Airport in New York — an AIG executive going through security had to empty out his pockets. You know what fell out? Sen. Chris Dodd.
On “60 Minutes” the other night, reporter Steve Kroft asked President Obama how he could laugh with all this financial trouble going on. The president said that it’s necessary to have a measure of gallows humor to get you through the day. You know why Obama likes gallows humor? It works much better for him than bowling humor.
Because of the bad economy and all the layoffs, a lot of women in white collar jobs are working at strip clubs. Women in strip clubs are having the same problems that women in corporate America are having: They can only climb so high on that brass pole before they hit that mirrored ceiling.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Reasons I Got Married
10. Poconos offers newlyweds free room with champagne-glass Jacuzzi
9. If I’m gonna catch up to Larry King, I’d better get going
8. Still drunk from St. Patty’s, dude!
7. She needed a green card
6. When you’re my age and look like I do, if someone says they’ll marry you, you do it
5. Don’t have to listen to any more crap from that quack Dr. Phil
4. I finally fit into my dream dress!
3. Free cake
2. Got tired of waiting for Paris Hilton
1. Figured at the least we’d get a mediocre Top Ten out of it
Late Show with David Letterman
How about that Octo-Mom? She was cleaning behind the couch today and found two more kids.
Bernie Madoff . . . this guy’s going to jail for 150 years. Experts say the recession may be over when he gets out.
Paris Hilton told Bernie to take it one day at a time . . . of course, she was only in there one day.
Michelle Obama is making a garden at the White House. While she was out digging, she found three of Dick Cheney’s hunting buddies.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
President Obama held a press conference tonight. He’s been on TV a lot lately. The only way he could on TV more is if he were the Octo-Mom.
The Octo-Mom herself was in the news. She said she fired her nanny because she was “spying.” No Octo-Mom — that’s what we call “looking after the kids.”
Obama was on TV saying Americans are angry. We are angry. But we don’t want a press conference — we want to see Obama pelting AIG executives with a sock full of quarters shouting, “Here’s change we can believe in!”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Rerun
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