The Best of Late Nite Jokes Edited by Newsmax.com

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

AIG has done it again. They announced they’re giving executives another $165 million dollars in bonuses. You what AIG stands for? Adventures in greed.

Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner was called before Congress again. Geithner defended himself against criticism, saying he inherited this crisis. He said when the economy started its downturn he was busy in the private sector cheating on his taxes.

The economy is bad. Today I saw a woman in Beverly Hills cleaning a house she actually owned.

Bristol Palin, the daughter of Gov. Sarah Palin, has broken up with baby-daddy Levi Johnston. I was stunned. If two kids without a decent education and no jobs and a baby can’t make it, what hope is there for the rest of us?

Late Show with David Letterman

St. Patrick’s Day tomorrow. Everyone is excited. As I was walking to work today, I saw a rat rolling a keg down Broadway.

At this time tomorrow, Rosie O’Donnell will be arm-wrestling in a pub.

There’s another tape from Osama bin Laden. In it he attacks Arab leaders, he calls for renewed jihad, and he gives his NCAA picks.

Bernie Madoff — sentenced to 150 years. He now spends 23 hours a day by himself. He’s all alone. The other day guards caught him swindling himself.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

‘Twas the night before St. Patty’s Day and all through the house, not a creature was stirring because they were all drunk.

Scientists think they may have evidence of life on Mars. There’s a TV show about life on Mars. It’s about a detective who goes back in time to the ‘70s when everyone was doing drugs and having sex and polishing their disco balls.

When I was growing up, there were always fights in the discos. And the irony of getting the crap beat out of you while listening to “I Will Survive” is not lost on me.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

An Arkansas man is appealing his conviction because the judge was using Twitter during the trial. The man first became suspicious when the judge limited the number of witnesses to 140 characters.

A woman is suing Disney World, claiming one of their rides caused her to have a stroke. Disney denies the allegation but will temporarily shut down Stroke Mountain.

On Friday, New York City Police issued over 9,000 tickets for talking on a cell phone while driving. This completes a city-wide initiative to ensure New Yorkers only talk on their cell phones when they’re sitting next to you in a restaurant.