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The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
The big movie that is opening this weekend is the Dr. Seuss film, “Horton Hears a Who.” Don’t confuse it with the new film about the governor of New York, “Eliot Hires a Ho.”
The name of the escort service the governor used? The Emperors Club. Sounds better than “whore house” doesn’t it?
On their Web site they ranked the girls from one to seven diamonds. The diamonds represent how many you have to buy for your wife after you get caught.
The latest rumor is that Spitzer has reportedly hired a top-notch criminal defense law firm in anticipation of any possible charges. You know the really ironic part? Even they don’t charge $5,000 an hour. And you’re still getting screwed.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Least Popular Dr. Seuss Books
10. Green Eggs And E. Coli
9. Osama's In Pajamas
8. How The Grinch Stole His Sports Memorabilia Back At Gunpoint
7. One State, Two State, Red State, Blue State
6. The Hump Known As Trump
5. If I Ran The Knicks
4. The Cat In The Hat That Fell In The Applebee's Deep Fryer
3. Oh The Places You Won't Go Because Of Tougher Immigration Laws
2. Horton Hears A Who Via An Illegal Government Wiretap
1. Hop On Spitzer
Late Show with David Letterman
New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer stepped down yesterday. He apologized. I don’t know what he apologized for. I think it’s steroids.
There’s so much left undone: Amber, Ashley, Rhonda . . .
He’s going to be looking for job. And I’m thinking, “Isn’t that what got him in trouble in the first place?”
What the Spitzers are saying is, they need some time alone. And I thought this was very nice: Sen. Larry Craig offered his vacation restroom on the lake.
Late Night with Conan O'Brien
The identity of New York Gov Eliot Spitzer’s prostitute has been revealed. When asked why she slept with New York’s governor, she said, “Because New Jersey’s governor is into guys.”
She’s an R&B singer. She says her latest song is inspired by a guy. She didn’t say what guy, but she did say a “bald, creepy governor.”
She says she doesn’t want to be thought of as a monster. She said unless of course, someone has $4,000 and they're into role playing.
Political experts say that before the scandal, Hillary Clinton had considered him for a possible running mate. Now, Hillary is considering Spitzer as a possible husband.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Rerun
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
You probably know that The New York Times was able to find that hooker that Spitzer allegedly paid $1,000 an hour for. Her real name is Ashley Dupre, and her MySpace page says her first love is music. Her second love is having sex with governors for money.
She’ll do fine. Here’s what’s going to happen: She’s going to pose naked for Playboy; she’ll do a season of “Celebrity Apprentice,” maybe a “Surreal Life”; she’ll top if off by having a baby with Pauly Shore.
I want to be the guy Eliot Spitzer’s wife uses to get back at him.
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