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The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Earlier today, the governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer, resigned. In his resignation speech he said, "To whom much has been given, much is expected." Which is the same thing he said to that $5,000-an-hour hooker.
Although Spitzer only spoke for two minutes and 40 seconds, he still had to pay for the entire hour.
More details coming out about the incident. It seems the governor was caught on a federal wiretap making arrangements to meet with this prostitute. See, that’s why the Democrats are so against President Bush’s eavesdropping policy.
Congratulations to Barack Obama! He won again last night. He beat Hillary in Mississippi with 60 percent of the vote. In fact, he won by such a wide margin that Hillary is now definitely going to offer him the No. 2 spot on the ticket.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Surprises During Eliot Spitzer's Resignation
10. Entered to the sounds of Jay-Z's "Big Pimpin'"
9. Opening line: "Are you a cop?"
8. Spent two minutes seductively stroking the microphone
7. Reaffirmed his policy of "Bros before Hos"
6. His decision not to wear pants
5. Admitted he also once made out with former Gov. Pataki
4. Credited downfall to fast-paced lifestyle of Albany
3. He was kinda pitchy, dawg
2. Said he thought the Emperor's Club was a Chinese restaurant
1. When reporters asked how much he paid per hour, his wife said, "Believe me, he doesn't need an hour"
Late Show with David Letterman
Gov. Eliot Spitzer resigned today. He left his resignation on the night table with a $300 tip.
He waited on the resignation, but he couldn’t get a pardon from Oprah, so he’s gone.
Four out of five New Yorkers wanted him to go. Of course, me and the writers wanted him to stay.
Here’s the deal about the trips down there to Washington, D.C.: $5,000 and a hotel room. Sen. Larry Craig said, “Well, that’s crazy! For two quarters I can have a pay toilet all night.
Late Night with Conan O'Brien
New York’s Gov. Eliot Spitzer resigned today, and to make things official, Gov. Spitzer had to write a letter of resignation to New York’s secretary of state. Out of habit, Spitzer addressed the letter, “Dear Penthouse.”
Because Eliot Spitzer is resigning as governor of New York, that means Hillary Clinton has lost another superdelegate. On the bright side, Bill Clinton has gained a super wingman.
Republican presidential candidate John McCain says he’s trying to find a vice presidential running mate. Not only that, McCain is also trying to find his reading glasses and his car keys.
This week, airport security stopped a woman from getting on a plane with a skeleton in her luggage. The woman’s name: Mrs. Larry King.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Rerun
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Our top story tonight: Mary Ann from "Gilligan’s Island" arrested. Dawn Wells, the actress who plays Mary Ann on "Gilligan’s Island" was arrested after sheriff’s deputies saw her swerving. They pulled her over and found some half-smoked joints and a bong made out of a coconut, I think.
She got five months’ probation. Today, she announced she will resign as governor of Gilligan’s Island.
Eliot Spitzer, who got caught up in a high-end prostitution ring, announced his resignation today. They’re saying he may have spent $80,000 in prostitutes over the years. Is that a lot?
Today, he announced he needed to leave office to begin the difficult process of healing. Not emotional healing, his wife hit him in the face with a George Foreman grill.
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