Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
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The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Here’s a note to any potential Cabinet members: You have until April 15th to not pay your taxes.
President Obama took on the teachers union this week. He says he wants to merit pay the teachers and fire the ones who don’t perform well. That’s pretty bold, the Democrats taking on the unions. That’s like Rush Limbaugh taking on the doughnut manufacturers.
Bernie Madoff’s going to plead guilty and face 150 years in prison. Now he’ll find out how it feels to have his valuables mishandled.
His attorney is trying to get him off by saying Madoff is not a threat to society anymore because there are no more rich people. He’s screwed them all.
Late Show with David Letterman
Bernie Madoff goes to court tomorrow, and 25 people who swindled get to yell and scream at him. The whole thing is being hosted by Hugh Jackman.
He could go to prison for 150 years. When he gets out in 150 years, though, the recession might be over.
Osama bin Laden celebrated a birthday: 52 years old. He’s going through a mid-life crisis. Yesterday, he even bought a shiny red 1965 camel.
Barack Obama says he wants to negotiate with the Taliban. And people are saying, well, be careful. But this is a guy who’s got experience negotiating with the enemy — he lives with his mother in law.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Bad day for Sesame Street. They had to lay off 67 people. Now all the characters are living in garbage cans.
Bert and Ernie are getting married just for the benefits.
The U.N. says that the world’s population could reach 9 billion by the year 2050. That’s if the Octo Mom doesn’t stop having kids, of course.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Nadya Suleman, everyone’s favorite mother of 14, was on “Dr. Phil” again. I think she might even be living with Dr. Phil now.
He got her to admit some of her problems. But on the downside, I think he got her pregnant again.
President Obama said that kids need to stay in school longer, either longer days or into the summer, if we want to stay competitive. He said we can’t stick with a school calendar that was created at a time when most Americans were farmers. He’s right — we need a new school calendar for a time when most Americans are unemployed.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
A new photo of Abraham Lincoln standing in front of the White House has surfaced. They’re saying it’s the first paparazzi photo ever taken.
President Obama created a new White House Counsel on Women and Girls. That’s what he’s calling it. It deals with all things women. When Bill Clinton heard this he said, “Why didn’t I think of that?”
Police arrested a driver in Washington, D.C., after five guns and a sword were found in his car. And he’s not even in the NFL.
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