Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
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The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Quite a scare in Washington, D.C. today. Police were called to the White House. Apparently President Obama was in a meeting with some potential Cabinet nominees when someone noticed a suspicious-looking document on the table that no one had ever seen before. Turns out it was just a tax form.
The president’s latest nominee for U.S. trade representative, Ron Kirk, who owes the government $10,000 in back taxes, has agreed to pay his taxes. When was there a choice? You try that on April 15.
Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner announced he plans to go after tax evaders . . . this after failing to pay his own taxes. This is part of operation “Do As I Say, Not As I Do.”
According to a top Russian scholar, the U.S. economy will collapse next year. Which comes as a huge shock to most people. I think we thought it was going to collapse this year.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Reasons To Watch The World Baseball Classic
10. "Due to the economic crisis, we all have to share the same pair of pants"
9. "Japan has one of them crazy robot shortstops"
8. "Because it's an international event, our right fielder is Secretary of State Hillary Clinton"
7. "The winning team plays Neptune in the Galactic Baseball Classic"
6. "It's fascinating seeing how players from other countries scratch themselves"
5. "You'll be part of a cherished baseball tradition dating all the way back to 2006"
4. "Because of the metric system, the games will be 6.83 innings"
3. "Before each game, you get to sit through 30 different national anthems"
2. "Australia's secret weapon: a fastball-throwin' kangaroo"
1. "What else are you going to watch, hockey?"
Late Show with David Letterman
Beautiful day today. Sunny. As I was driving to work, I saw a foreclosure sign that had an awning.
So sunny, stockbrokers were applying sunscreen before they jumped.
Bernie Madoff — here’s a guy who made a living swindling his friends. He and his wife, Ruth, say they are entitled to keep $69 million. They say the money is not fraud money — they got it by saving money on gas by fully inflating their tires.
It’s not fraud money — it’s money they saved by not investing with Bernie Madoff.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
According to a new study, people are sleeping less because they are worried about the economy. I think it’s also because they’re sleeping under bridges . . .
One in 10 people in California are unemployed! Unfortunately, Arnold Schwarzenegger is not one of them.
You might not know about the latest figures because the big news here in the media is that someone is stealing pet-store snakes.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
The 12th season of “America’s Top Model” kicked off. It’s similar to “American Idol,” only with vomiting instead of singing.
Michael Jackson held a press conference to announce 10 shows he’s planning. For a person who treats his face like a Mr. Potato Head, he looks pretty good.
Malia and Sasha Obama came home from school yesterday and found a nice surprise — a new swing set on the White House lawn. That’s fun. There’s only one problem with it — I guess President Bush found out about it, and he was found playing in it.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Bishops in Rome are urging all Catholics give up text-messaging for Lent. Unless they’re texting "OMG."
Bill Gates has forbidden his children from owning an iPhone or iPod. Luckily, they’re still allowed to play with their piles and piles of money.
Ten office workers won New Jersey’s $260 million Mega lottery. Unfortunately, under Barack Obama’s tax plan, they now owe $300 million.
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