John McCain won the Republican nomination. He was awarded with a trip to the White House. Mike Huckabee dropped out and was awarded a hunting trip with Dick Cheney.

Everyone�s trying to figure out what happened at the primaries. Here it is: Barack Obama had the most delegates; Hillary Clinton had the most superdelegates; and John McCain had the most problem going to the bathroom.

Everyone�s talking about the contest. There are now three contenders, and only one can win. I�m not talking about the election; I�m talking about �Project Runway.�

Jimmy Kimmel Live!

Congratulations to Sen. John McCain, who captured the Republican nomination for president. Nobody thought he would do it. Just last year he was a mess . . .he was carrying around his own luggage, some of his teeth were missing . . .

Things were going nicely until President Bush endorsed him for president. He actually asked President Bush to endorse him. I�m starting to think the guy likes torture.

Hillary Clinton won do-or-die primaries in Ohio, Rhode Island, and Texas. A lot of people thought she would be done today; this would be it. But like Bill always says, �Hillary does not go down without a fight.�