Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
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The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Happy Leap Year! When President Bush heard that he said “Remember to turn your clocks ahead one year people!”
In a press conference today, President Bush announced that America is not headed into a recession. Especially if you own an oil company. It will be great for you.
The movie “Panic Room 2” is now in development. The whole thing is going to be filmed at Hillary Clinton’s campaign headquarters.
Everyone is so concerned where all the candidates are born. McCain was born on a military base in the Panama Canal Zone. Hillary was born outside Chicago. And if you believe the media, Barack Obama was born in a manger.
Late Show with David Letterman
Today is Leap Day. Leap Day comes every four years, but it really doesn’t mean anything. Like Ralph Nader running for president, it just doesn’t mean anything.
Los Angeles’ tap water was voted the tastiest in the United States. Fine. I like New York City tap water. I like that you can blow the head off it.
Comes in smooth . . . and chunky.
Cold today. Experts believe it’s caused by the cold front coming off the John McCain marriage.
Late Night with Conan O'Brien
Political experts are saying that to offset his weaknesses, Barack Obama should choose a running mate who is older, a veteran, and from a different part of the country. So today, Obama chose John McCain.
Yesterday, presidential candidate Mike Huckabee said that he won’t stay in the race beyond reason. Then Huckabee announced he’s dropping out six weeks ago.
There’s a rumor that “American Idol” contestant David Hernandez used to be a gay stripper. When he heard this, Ryan Seacrest said, “I thought that guy looked familiar.”
This week, the U.S. Border Patrol arrested a man responsible for smuggling thousands of Guatemalans into California. An angry American official said, “Those Guatemalans were taking jobs that should have gone to Mexicans.”
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Hillary Clinton said that she raised $35 million in the month of February. Which is fantastic — now she can afford a really great vacation as soon as she drops out of the race.
Katie Holmes may be pregnant! That’s the scuttlebutt around Hollywood. Tom Cruise says he wants a boy. He doesn’t care what sex the baby is . . . he really wants a boy.
The Olsen twins are now authors! They have written a coffee table book. They can’t lift it, but they wrote it.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Rerun
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