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The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
How about those commercials during the Super Bowl? There was one called “My Talking Stain.” Sounds like Bill Clinton’s worst nightmare.
Bill Clinton said we need to slow down the economy to fight global warming. Slow down the economy. You know what that means? George Bush has done more to stop global warming than Al Gore.
John Edwards said that even though he is out of the presidential race, he still cares for the little people, and to prove it, he had lunch with Dennis Kucinich.
Even though John McCain is the Republican front-runner, the rest of the Republican candidates still snipe at each other. Romney against Huckabee, the others think McCain is too liberal . . . whatever happened to the good ol’ days when the Republican Party was united against the poor?
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten New England Patriots Excuses
10. What? It's best-of-seven
9. Too much pre-game chowder
8. Since when is that dude allowed to catch a ball with his head?!
7. Terrified by that Fox football robot
6. Everything was fine til' Dr. Phil decided to straighten us out
5. Should have campaigned harder in Florida
4. Entire team stayed up late that night before watching Hannah Montana concert movie
3. Exhausted after spending hours consoling a weepy Terrell Owens
2. Thought game was supposed to be played on Super Tuesday
1. Airline lost our 'roids
Late Show with David Letterman
How about that Mitt Romney? He looks like the guy that would approve your check at a supermarket.
He looks like the piano player in an upscale department store.
He looks like a guy who winks when he shakes your hand.
He looks like the guy who is married to an over-the-hill actress.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
It’s a great day for America. Particularly for me. There is a new American in town. This is my first week as an American citizen! I was sworn in on Friday. You’re probably thinking, “Well there goes the neighborhood.”
It was the most amazing weekend of my life . . . of the ones I can remember.
It started with the swearing-in ceremony on Friday. Now I can vote — in the general election and on American Idol!!
I never realized how brutal the Super Bowl can be. Guys hobbling around, straining their muscles, taking tons of painkillers — and that was just Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Rerun
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