Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
|
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Everybody is getting ready for Super Bowl weekend. If fact, down in Mexico, there has been an increase in illegal immigrants sneaking across with chips and dip.
Even the people who know nothing about football watch the Super Bowl. Like the Miami Dolphins.
The Republican race comes down to Romney and McCain. You got the guy who spent five years in a prison camp and the guy who spent five years in a tanning booth.
John Edwards is out. To which Sen. Larry Craig said, “He’s gay?”
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Things Overheard At Dick Cheney's Birthday Party
10. "Medic!"
9. "That's nice — a card from Osama"
8. "He must be happy — he's sneering from ear to ear"
7. "MMMMM! chocolate cake with Lipitor frosting"
6. "Clear!"
5. "Dick, you don't look a day over 93"
4. "Hey, his daughter is making out with Condoleeza"
4. "Hey
3. "Instead of a pinata, we're gonna beat a Gitmo inmate"
2. "How about a rousing chorus of 'For He's a Miserable, Old Prick!"
1. "Duck!"
Late Show with David Letterman
Republican debate last night. Nasty. At one point Mitt Romney got so upset, so agitated, that his hair cracked.
But don’t worry. If this presidential thing doesn’t work out, he can always go back to playing Victor Newman on “The Young and the Restless.”
Mitt Romney doesn’t look like a president — he looks like a ringmaster.
Earlier tonight was the Democratic debate. It was a tag-team affair: You had Hillary and Bill, and Obama and Oprah.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
It’s a great day for Barack Obama. Last month Barack Obama raised $32 million! Well, you know how he did it . . . he was on Oprah last month. He found it in the back of the couch.
Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton had their debate on Hollywood Boulevard. Which is unusual. Normally the debate on Hollywood Boulevard is, Is that a man or a woman?
I become a citizen tomorrow! CBS couldn’t afford a regular citizen to do this job.
"Lost" is back on TV. But I will not watch it. If I want an hour of incomprehensible gibberish, I will watch Paula Abdul.
|
