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Friday Sep 26 2014

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Derek Jeter got the game-winning hit in his final game at Yankee Stadium. Guys on the other team could've thrown Jeter out, but they were busy trying to get that ball for themselves.

Jeter had the game-winning single. That must’ve been a once in a lifetime moment for him. You know, only getting to first base. Doesn’t really happen that much for Derek Jeter.

The Department of Defense unveiled a new policy that will let undocumented immigrants serve in the military. Is it me, or does that just sound like a sneaky way to get rid of immigrants?

Today Russia announced that it will join America’s fight with the terror group ISIS. Then Putin said, "But I did not say which side."

Late Show with David Letterman

It's already autumn. Can you feel the difference in the seasonal change? Let me give you one sure example that it's autumn today. President Obama got off of a helicopter, and saluted a Marine with a cup of hot cider.

Yesterday was Derek Jeter's last home game, how about that. Jeter is 40 years old now. He's unemployed, and I'm thinking: Well, good luck getting a supermodel girlfriend now.

Chris and Bruce Jenner are getting a divorce. If for any reason Bruce is ever arrested for any crime of any sort, being married to a Kardashian counts as time served.

Bruce Jenner is putting on a brave face. His plastic surgeon said it would be ready Thursday.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

It's Johnny Appleseed day. It's a real day to celebrate the famous guy who went around America sowing his seeds wherever he went. He was the 19th century Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Today is a day to celebrate trees. But wait. Don't trees already have Arbor Day? You're getting greedy, trees.

CBS announced they're working on the new show "Supergirl." Supergirl made her first appearance in Action Comics in 1958. So she's 56 years old. In other words, she is just coming up to the age where she will be right for the CBS demographic.

I'm not familiar with Supergirl. I grew up in Scotland. We didn't have a Superman or Supergirl. Just a potato. Gazing at the potato in wonder. And the potato would sit there majestically.

This looks like a job for Super Potato! Taller than grass. Able to leap . . . not much. And tastes great too.

 
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