After Donald Trump's derogatory comments about immigrants, NBC has officially canceled "Celebrity Apprentice." Donald Trump isn't even president yet and he's already made America a better place.
Today Donald Trump reaffirmed his stance against gay marriage. Trump said marriage is between a rich guy and his much younger third wife.
Greece has closed their nation's banks today in response to its escalating financial crisis. Greece said, "We'll bounce back. We've just had a rough 2,000 years."
At last night's B.E.T. Awards, white singer Sam Smith won the best new artist award. This came right after B.E.T. announced that it now identifies as white.
The Supreme Court has ended same-sex marriage bans. This is going to totally ruin being gay. I will explain. I live in a gay neighborhood and these people have a lot of fun. The reason is because there is no pressure to settle down. It's illegal. Say you're dating a guy. He says, Why can't we get married? You say, Well, same reason we can't rob a bank.
But now that reason is gone. Which means now you go home and your parents and friends will do that thing where they put you on the spot. Society will push you and push you and eventually you'll give in. This is what happened to George Clooney.
And then once you do give in, guess what? Instead of the fun parades with the drinks and the half-naked dancer guys, the only parades you will be going to are the ones with the big inflatable Snoopy. He'll be looking at you as if to say, "What the hell did you do?"
All the gay fun will be over. Remember when the word meant happy? It doesn't anymore, thanks to the Supreme Court.
The only difference between gay marriage and straight marriage is no one complains when you leave the toilet seat up.