President Obama hosted a picnic at the White House today for members of Congress. Obama said it was a great opportunity to gather every member of Congress in one place — so he could turn on the sprinklers. Payback!
The White House picnic was actually held one year after it was canceled. Last year the president had too much stuff going on to make time for a picnic, whereas now he just doesn't care anymore.
Hillary Clinton's supporters are calling on her to be more herself, after some of her recent appearances seemed to be too scripted. Hillary said, "I don’t know where you guys get this stuff. Shrug and shake head."
Problems for the NFL continue. Last week Nike suspended Ray Rice's contract and today they suspended Adrian Peterson's contract. So now Nike is down to Oscar Pistorius and Kim Jong Un.
A Michigan funeral home is offering a drive-thru viewing option. Or as they're calling it, "Jack Actually in the Box."
Archaeologists discovered a skeleton couple that have been holding hands for 700 years. Hey dude, it's been 700 years. Make a move!
The new iPhone is going to be the biggest one yet. If iPhones were foreheads, this one would be Nicole Kidman. If they were disappointing basketball teams, this one would be the Lakers.
At San Francisco's airport last Tuesday, customs officials confiscated 20 giant millipedes. You should never bring a millipede on an airplane. There's just not enough leg room.
Tonight was the big finale of "America's Got Talent." It's my favorite TV talent show, if you don't count "The X Factor," "The Voice," "American Idol," "Top Chef," "Top Model," "Project Runway," and "Twerking With the Stars."
People call "America's Got Talent" AGT. That's how lazy we've become. We can't pronounce three words.
Apple today released the iOS 8 mobile operating system, which means we finally have more versions of iOS than "Police Academy" movies.
They're saying iOS 8 is going to revolutionize the way we ignore our friends and family.
The people of Scotland are voting on whether to declare independence from the United Kingdom. If Scotland votes for Independence, it could have major ramifications. Great Britain is concerned that if they lose Scotland, they could be cut off from a major supply of bagpipes and kilts.
The official ballot is one line: "Should Scotland be an independent country?" And that's it. Why is it that I have to go through 18 pages of terms and conditions to download iOS 8 while a whole country can secede from the United Kingdom by checking a box that says "Yes"?