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Thursday Jul 30 2015

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

We’re in the middle of a heat wave here in New York City, and temperatures are supposed to be in the 90s for the next several days. In fact Donald Trump was so mad about the weather, he actually gave away Al Roker's personal phone number.

Trump said if his presidential campaign fails, he will “ride into the sunset." And if Donald Trump WINS the presidency, Hillary says she's gonna ride off a cliff like Thelma and Louise.

Former Virginia Governor Jim Gilmore officially announced his campaign yesterday, bringing the total number of Republican candidates to 17. Here's how I know that’s too many: If I saw 17 people in line for the BATHROOM, I’d be like, “NOPE! I'll hold it until 2020.”

This isn’t good. Democratic Congressman Chaka Fattah of Pennsylvania could face up to 100 years in jail, after he was charged with several counts of corruption. Which would explain Chaka’s new name: Chaka Con.

I saw that the D.C. newspaper The Hill published its annual list of the 50 most beautiful people in politics yesterday. And once again, it only had five people on it.

The Late Late Show with James Corden

A man in the U.K. Is in hot water with his wife because the Google street view camera caught him having a cigarette in their driveway after he claimed to have quit smoking. If you're trying to not get caught doing something, maybe go somewhere that's not six feet from your front door.

That's like a drug dealer going, "Don't meet me in front of the police station. Meet me at the Pinkberry next to the police station. It's just safer that way."

Kentucky Fried Chicken has come out with something called the KFC Memories Bucket, which prints pictures of you and your friends eating their chicken. You don't need a bucket that creates memories at KFC. You need a bucket that destroys memories.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Summer the best, really it is. Summer is to the four seasons what Frankie Valli is to the Four Seasons — a little joke for the older folks.

Angry Birds 2 was released today. It's about time. The other day I was forced to throw a seagull at the wall.

The original game was hugely popular and made many millions of dollars. You'd think all that success would have made the birds happy, but apparently not. They are still very, very angry.

Donald Trump is still leading all Republican candidates for president. A new Quinnipiac University poll, which of all the major polls is the hardest to say, has Donald Trump ahead.

While Donald Trump leads the Republican field by a wide margin right now, he seems to be unelectable. The same poll shows him losing to Hillary Clinton by 12 points. Losing to Joe Biden by 12 points. Losing by 8 points to Bernie Sanders. He's 5 points behind Bill Cosby.

"Rogue Nation" opens tomorrow, the fifth movie in the "Mission: Impossible" franchise. I'm starting to think the mission is possible. Four times in a row and probably for a fifth.

Late Night With Seth Meyers

You hear less about Hillary Clinton, she's not giving a lot of interviews because I think she's looking at everyone else who's running for president, and she's thinking, “If I keep my mouth shut, I think I've got this thing.”

Hillary Clinton revealed today she thinks her biggest weakness is her impatience. Said the interviewer, "Mrs. Clinton, I haven't asked you anything yet."

Hillary also said today that her greatest strength is her passionate commitment to helping people. For instance, there was that time in 2008 when she helped a young black man from Chicago become president.

NFL training camp began today for many teams. As usual, the New England Patriots camp began with the ceremonial burning of the rule book.

A director for the show "Law & Order" was arrested yesterday on child pornography charges. But I don't think he did it, because it's never the first guy they arrest.

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