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Monday May 02 2016

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

May is finally here! Yep, it’s that special time of the year when the Earth puts the weather on "Random Shuffle."

The White House Correspondents' Dinner was on Saturday, and President Obama ended his speech by saying “Obama out” and literally dropping the mic. Then Hillary Clinton caught the mic mid-air and said, “LET'S DO THIS!”

During an after-party following the Correspondents' Dinner, a fight broke out between reporters at Fox News and The Huffington Post. But no major details came out about the fight – 'cuz it was only witnessed by CNN reporters.

The White House announced yesterday that Malia Obama will attend Harvard University, but that she plans to take a year off before starting. Malia got the idea after seeing how much fun her dad is having with HIS year off.

Now that weed is starting to become legal in more and more places, big companies have started to take notice. In fact, Walgreens just published an article about the possible health benefits of medical marijuana. While CVS said it's just excited to watch stoners try and use its self-checkout machines.

Conan

At a Ted Cruz rally, Carly Fiorina fell off the stage and Cruz didn’t help her up. The entire crowd immediately began chanting, “Metaphor! Metaphor!”

As Bernie Sanders' campaign is winding down, he had to fire hundreds of staff members. Now Bernie is down to a campaign director, a speechwriter, and a 22-year-old whose job is to keep explaining to him what Snapchat is.

At a Ted Cruz rally, a young boy yelled "you suck" at Ted Cruz. In other words, there is hope for America’s future after all.

Donald Trump criticized Hillary Clinton today for making a remark he says is offensive to Native Americans. Trump’s exact words were "you stole my speech."

In Pennsylvania, a 100-year-old woman has broken the world record for the 100-yard dash in her age group. She won with the record-setting time of "Wednesday."

The Late Late Show with James Corden

A report came out last week that members of ISIS are trying to fake doctor's notes to get themselves out of front line duty. Imagine a member of ISIS calling in like, "Hey guys, I have actually got a bit of a cough and don't think I can go to the suicide bombing today."

It's weird to think that this organization, which is so dangerous, has employees who are just like, "Oh, Mondays."

Late Night With Seth Meyers

The White House Correspondents' Dinner was this weekend. President Obama said it was fun. Larry Wilmore said he was honored. And Bernie Sanders said the portions were too small.

Indiana is holding its primary tomorrow, and Donald Trump is currently leading Ted Cruz by 15 points. While John Kasich still holds a narrow lead over "Not Sure."

A 100-year-old Brooklyn woman has become the oldest runner to ever cross the finish line in the 100-meter dash. On the down side, she started the race in 2009.

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson put out a new alarm clock app today which includes a feature that will sync with The Rock's calendar so fans can wake up at the same time as him. After that, your day and his day start to diverge pretty wildly.

The parents of a baby who was recently born on a Jetstar plane have announced that they are naming him after the airline. Baby Jetstar is now at home joining his older sister, Megabus.

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