The Conservative Political Action Conference is still going on down in Washington, D.C. And yesterday, Donald Trump was giving a speech, when he accidentally referred to former President Jimmy Carter — who’s still very much alive — as "the late, great Jimmy Carter." Trump immediately apologized, and then said, “He wasn’t THAT great.”
The College Board says it’s revamping the SAT to focus more on what students will need in college. In fact, the SAT is now just one question: “How much money do your parents have?”
Another big story is the ongoing situation in Ukraine, which has caused a lot of tension between the U.S. and Russia. But get this — NASA has announced that it will continue to work with Russia’s space program, even though the Pentagon has severed ties with the Russian military. When asked why, scientists from both sides were like, "Because we're building a robot army, umm — ER — nothing."
Here’s some lighter news. I thought this was kind of interesting — this week marks the 50th anniversary of the Buffalo wing. Which means it also marks the 50th anniversary of that celery stick nobody wants.
Russian President Vladimir Putin is claiming Russia did not invade the Crimean peninsula. What are those guys, neighborhood watch? Mall cops?
President Obama is steamed about this. He got Vladimir Putin on the phone and said, "Hello, is this Adele Dazeem?"
Vladimir Putin is a goon, a stooge, and a thug. Not only did he invade Crimea, but he shut down "meet-Russian-women.com."
If you want to boycott Russia, do what I did. Switch to a domestic vodka.
Osama bin Laden's son-in-law is on trial right now. He produced all of al-Qaida's videos. Not only is he on trial but he would like to let you know that the first season is available on Netflix.
Here's a study that probably didn't need to take place. According to the annual traffic scorecard report, L.A. has the worst traffic in America. L.A. residents spend 17 hours more than average sitting in traffic. How can we have the worst traffic and the most high-speed chases? Wouldn't one cancel the other out?
Next week in Denver there's a job fair that will cater exclusively to the cannabis industry. Fifteen marijuana-related businesses will be hiring people for a variety of job openings. It's a little different. These companies actually test to make sure you are on drugs.
The fair will take place on March 13. It starts around 3-ish, whatever, dude. Attendance is free. Although they're expecting to make $600,000 from the bake sale.
Here's some strange fashion news. According to The New York Times, the monocle is back in style. Online monocle retailers have increased sales lately. Monocles are great if you're looking for eyewear that falls into your coffee every time you sneeze.
Unless you're a “Batman” villain or a giant salted peanut, you should not wear a monocle.
A new study has named Los Angeles the worst American city for gridlock. While Portland remains the best American city for dreadlock.
A man in India has set a new world record for fastest nose-typing. I think the most surprising part of it is that there was an OLD world record for nose-typing.
New Mexico police arrested a group of students who hid marijuana in a hollowed-out copy of Stephen King’s “It.” The students said they were just holding “It” for a friend.