The big movie this weekend was “300: Rise of an Empire” which came in No. 1 at the box office, making $45 million. It's about a ruthless leader trying to expand his territory through any means possible. Or as Vladimir Putin calls it, "The feel good movie of year!"
California is considering a new bill that would ban Sea World's killer whale shows for humane reasons. They say that killer whales are far too intelligent to perform for people's entertainment. Then I was like, "What does that say about me?" This is inhumane what's happening right now with me.
Of course it was last night’s big finale of “True Detective” on HBO. And get this — so many people were trying to watch it, they actually crashed HBO’s streaming website, HBO Go. Yeah, the site just stopped working. Then out of habit, President Obama issued an apology.
And finally, this weekend marked the 55th anniversary of the Barbie doll. It's hard to believe that Barbie's 55 years old, but you gotta figure eight years of medical school, three years of law school, ten years of astronaut training — it all adds up.
Yesterday was Daylight Saving Time, when we lose an hour for no apparent reason. By the way, losing an hour for no apparent reason is also the motto for this show.
President Obama was paying tribute to Aretha Franklin when he messed up the spelling of her iconic song "Respect." President Obama blamed his speech coach, John Travolta.
Over the weekend, North Korea held elections. Kim Jong Un was re-elected with 100% of the vote. Kim Jong Un credits his win to the slogan: Vote for me or you will be murdered.
While working on the L.A. subway, construction workers discovered fossils from the Ice Age. The fossils belong to the last creature to ever use the Los Angeles subway.
The mayor of Toronto, crack-smoking Rob Ford sent out a tweet about Daylight Saving Time reminding people to turn their clocks back. In fact, you're supposed to turn your clocks forward. And then he tweeted back and he said, "Well, who cares what I'm talking about. I'm on crack!"
Russian President Vladimir Putin claims that Russia did not invade the Crimean Peninsula. Then what are those tanks — part of a traffic study?
North Korean leader Kim Jong Un won re-election with 100% of the vote. They say that when the absentee ballots are counted the percentage could go even higher.
No one has ever won North Korea without winning Ohio. He humiliated his opponent Mitt Jong Romney.
It's not such a great day for a family in Florida recovering after eating steak laced with LSD. About halfway through dinner they realized there was a problem when someone asked for a side of mashed potatoes, and that someone was the steak.
I don't think LSD works though if you get it warm. It doesn't work. You have to keep it in the fridge. But I've said too much.
Kim Jong Un was re-elected today in North Korea. He got 100% of the vote. His slogan was, "Vote for me or you'll be eaten by rabid dogs." It's awkward because that was going to be Hillary's slogan.
We just had the finale of "The Bachelor." It was a doozy. It was a fight for love between two very different women, a blonde and a blonde.
I admit I don't watch "The Bachelor." If I wanted to see a bunch of floozies kiss up to a guy they don't really care for, and aren't interested in, I'd go to the Playboy mansion.
Barbie, the world's most famous doll turned 55 on Sunday. And if you ask me that’s a little too old to be waking up naked on the stairs every morning. Get your life together, Barbie.
A new study reveals that parents who spend more time on their smartphones have more negative interactions with their children. While parents who spend less time on their smartphones are really mad that they forgot their charger.
NASA’s Cassini spacecraft passed by Saturn’s largest moon for the 100th time last week. Said Mrs. Cassini, “Can we please just stop and ask for directions?”
A Duke University student who recently revealed that she’s doing porn told Piers Morgan that she came up with her stage name by combining the names of Belle from "Beauty and the Beast" and Amanda Knox. Which might explain the title of her first film, “Be Our Guest… At This Italian Stabbing Murder.”