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Thursday May 21 2015

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

This week presidential candidate Bernie Sanders introduced a new bill that would make four-year college tuition free. Which was great news, unless you were the student who was just walking out of your graduation.

Bernie Sanders made around $2,000 last year for two speeches and a TV appearance, compared to the $25 million the Clintons made. Making him the first person in history to run for president just because he really needs the money.

Alfonso Ribeiro will replace Tom Bergeron as the new host of “America's Funniest Home Videos.” It’s great news for all those fans who watch “America’s Funniest Home Videos” for the host.

Bruce Springsteen is selling his house in Beverly Hills for around $70 million. And for that much money, the house actually comes WITH Bruce Springsteen.

Conan

By 2020 the minimum wage in Los Angeles is going to be raised to $15 an hour. This is great news for the members of my band.

First lady Michelle Obama has posted an exercise video of her beating up a punching bag. But don't worry, Vice President Biden is going to be OK.

President Obama, by the way, has set a Guinness World Record as the fastest person to get a million Twitter followers. Obama now has as many followers as the Republicans have presidential candidates.

Three Southwest Airlines baggage handlers are accused of smuggling drugs in luggage. The officials became suspicious when every single one of the Southwest bags made it to its destination.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

The government released hundreds of documents seized from Osama bin Laden's compound. Among the items is a job application for al-Qaida. It's like a regular job application except it asks questions like, "Where do you see yourself exploding in the next five years?"

I'd like to see a job interview for al-Qaida: "I see you spent eight years hating the great devil of the West. Can you tell me more?"

To join al-Qaida, you must be willing to die in the name of Allah and be proficient at Microsoft XL.

This is a real question on the al-Qaida job application: "Have you ever been in jail or prison?" Usually that is a bad thing but in this case I don't know.

How bad must it feel to not get the job with al-Qaida. "We don't feel you are right for the job at this time."

Late Night With Seth Meyers

I was surprised to hear this. Hillary Clinton’s Super PAC has reportedly been struggling to raise money. It’s gotten so bad, they may have to start reaching out to Americans.

Chelsea Clinton has written a children's book titled “It’s Your World: Get Informed, Get Inspired & Get Going.” It’s a great book to read to your workaholic toddler.

Scientists working on The Syracuse University Lava Project have discovered how to grill a steak using lava. The hard part is getting the cow up on the volcano.

 
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