Tags: criticism | marriage | counseling

Are You Too Critical?

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Tuesday, 06 Dec 2016 04:23 PM Current | Bio | Archive

The Corrector is a person whose main focus in life is to find the flaw and then point it out. Correctors think and know that there is a right way to fold socks, a right way to put dishes in the dishwasher, a right way to cut the grass, and a right way to catch a fish.

And they are more than happy to tell you how to do it.

Usually, their advice is given with a lot of “shoulds” and “oughts”. They also have a habit of wagging their pointer finger as they give you this advice.

Most Correctors make between 20 and 30 critical comments a day. If you don’t believe me, and you suspect you’re a Corrector, count your critical comments. And if you’re living with someone else you suspect falls into this category, secretly count his or her negative comments.

If you tell Correctors you don’t like their advice, they defend themselves with, “I’m only trying to help you,” or “I’m only trying to make it easier for you”.

Usually one or both parents of Correctors were overly critical. Consequently, these children came to expect perfection not only of themselves but also of others.

Rarely are they satisfied with anyone’s performance. If they do 10 things right and one thing wrong, it’s what they do wrong that becomes the focus of their attention.

If you are a Corrector, you may have already recognized yourself. If you have any doubt, take the following test. Give yourself one point for every yes answer.

You are overly critical of yourself for things you did or didn’t do.

You are overly critical of your mate and quick to point out his or her flaws. Off the top of your head, you could easily name a number of tasks your mate does wrong.

You continually strive to be perfect and consider yourself a perfectionist.

You tend to define the world in terms of black and white, right and wrong, good and bad. Your thinking is often polarized. Once you have made a decision, you have trouble understanding or accepting the other person’s point of view.

You are selfish in giving compliments and often are accused of being sexually selfish.

You use anger, and various forms of anger such as put-downs, sarcasm, guilt or pouting, to intimidate and control your mate and to get your own way.

You enjoy telling your mate what to do, and you get a feeling of satisfaction when you explain how to do it.

You schedule “free-time” activities carefully to get the most out of your time and you rarely engage in spontaneous play.

You are well organized, efficient, and accomplish a good deal both at work and at home.

You think of yourself as someone who can be counted on, is loyal, and keeps his word.
If you have 8, 9 or 10 yeses, you are a Corrector. If you have 5, 6 or 7 yeses, you frequently nag and complain, but you do not operate from the Corrector frame of reference.

However, you might consider knocking off those critical comments because criticism only invites others to pull away from you.
 

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DorisHelmering
The Corrector is a person whose main focus in life is to find the flaw and then point it out.
criticism, marriage, counseling
525
2016-23-06
Tuesday, 06 Dec 2016 04:23 PM
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