Tags: Health Topics | esteem | self

Love Yourself First

Image: Love Yourself First
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Friday, 24 Jun 2016 02:29 PM Current | Bio | Archive

Callers to my radio program often justify poor decisions and choices, especially in relationships, by embracing the low self-esteem card. Women attempt to explain why they stay with a guy they are not married to who is an addict or alcoholic, doesn’t work much to earn a living, treats them with disrespect, and is in general a lousy pick.

One woman called recently to complain about her man, with whom she is shacking up, by describing him in just those terms. She then broke up with him because he was seeing another woman on the side.

What? I exclaimed. He was a total loser and that was OK? Then, I asked her in-depth about herself.

She hesitated and then said she was dumb and unlovable.

There it is. Because she thinks poorly of herself, she is grateful when someone wants her.

Low self-esteem.

So, how does one build self-esteem?

Obviously, when parents are absent, physically violent, disloyal (remarry and let the new spouse abuse them in any way), good feelings about one’s self and life do not have much of a chance to grow along with the individual into adulthood.

She and I talked about the “ugly and the unlovable” description. I asked her if she’d ever seen women, who were beautiful, walking hand in hand with men. She said that it was a very small percentage.

Then, I continued, beauty does not seem to be the most consistent factor in a man loving a woman.

We next tackled the “unlovable” aspect. When love was a scarce commodity in childhood, it is of course more difficult for someone to navigate an intimate relationship. However, all is not lost or hopeless.

If one is willing to take the risks that everyone, regardless of background, must take to find love, then the factors which make someone love you have to be recognized and utilized.

There is a certain unpredictable chemistry that has to happen. But once it exists then what will make someone feel loving toward you is not your past, not your self-image, but only how you make them feel.

Looking for someone to rescue you from your own bad self-image is just not going to work because healthy people are attracted to healthy people.

The bottom line is that one must put aside history and fear and reach out to another person with kindness, affection, attention, and admiration.

Dr. Laura (Laura Schlessinger) is a well-known radio personality and best-selling author. She appears regularly on many television shows and in many publications. Read more reports from Dr. Laura — Click Here Now.



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Looking for someone to rescue you from your own bad self-image is not going to Healthy people are attracted to healthy people.One must put aside history and fear and reach out to another person with kindness, affection, attention, and admiration.
esteem, self
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2016-29-24
Friday, 24 Jun 2016 02:29 PM
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