Tags: Acceptance | Marriage | Premarital Counseling | Relationships

When Relationships Lose Their Luster

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Monday, 23 Feb 2015 09:40 AM Current | Bio | Archive

Absolutely nobody should marry without six to nine months of formal premarital counseling. Lots of mistakes and pain could be avoided if it were a felony (just kidding) to get married without it.

I know it has been a long-standing joke, but truthfully, it is not very funny. It has even been the title of a theatrical play: "I Love You, Now Change."

Just the other day a woman called to complain that her husband lies a lot. In fact, when they were dating he stole money from her and then lied about it. I responded, "So your solution to this revelation is to marry and have three children with him? And then you call me to complain about what? Your choice?"

The point is that she now has three children and is a dozen years deep into the situation. It does us no good to look back and be frustrated or resentful. That is not productive to your current well-being, it doesn't change reality, and it keeps us in a state of negativity.

I told her she had to accept that his traits are unlikely to change. However, it was also possibly even more important to recognize the parts of his being that were charming, fun, admirable, and so forth. She did say that he was a good dad and had other traits she did appreciate.

It is that  accept concept that gets people very confused. Folks don't want to accept that which they don't want. That makes total sense. Acceptance means you stop fighting against something. It does not mean you like, appreciate, agree, or embrace it. It simply means you acknowledge to yourself that it is a fact and you must work around it. In other words, you focus on the good.

Here are my suggestions for all of you who are in situations that are not romantically to your liking at this time. First, behave 24/7 as though you loved him/her completely and without reservation. It brings the best out of your spouse to be marinating in love and tenderness — and it makes you feel it more. Behavior brings feelings and not the other way around. Second, accept your spouse’s faults. Look for what is wonderful and embrace it.

Dr. Laura (Laura Schlessinger) is a well-known radio personality and best-selling author. She appears regularly on many television shows and in many publications. Read more reports from Dr. Laura — Click Here Now.
 
 
 

 


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DrLaura
Acceptance means you stop fighting against something. It does not mean you like, appreciate, agree, or embrace it. It simply means you acknowledge to yourself that it is a fact and you must work around it. In other words, you focus on the good.
Acceptance, Marriage, Premarital Counseling, Relationships
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2015-40-23
Monday, 23 Feb 2015 09:40 AM
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