Socialist Cousin Insists Kerry Isn't French

John Kerry's French cousin insists there's nothing gallingly Gallic about the Massachusetts Democrat.

"John Kerry is incredibly American," claimed cousin Brice Lalonde, mayor of Saint-Briac-Sur-Mer and environment minister under Socialist former president Francois Mitterrand. "He has absolutely nothing French about him."

The Associated Press reported today: "With the race for the White House turning nasty - and France-U.S. ties not quite mended from the Iraq war - Kerry's Gallic clan, when questioned, talks up his American-ness. Some are keeping a low profile, saying too much talk about France could be political arsenic."

Lalonde admitted, "I'm afraid to hurt him," but like other Frenchies has a Kerry bumper sticker pasted to his car.

Ian Forbes, Kerry's 85-year-old uncle who lives at Les Essarts, said: "Monsieur Bush is angry with France. We don't want to accentuate the connection between Johnny and France."

Curiously enough, Lalonde and company made no denials about Kerry being a socialist.

Editor's note: