James Hirsen
Tuesday, May 6, 2003

What do celebrities do when their words come back to bite them? Wrap themselves up in the Bill of Rights.

Some members of the Hollywood community whimper to the National Press Club about their right to speak. Others carp to the media about the “backlash” they experience. When they really want to pack a punch, they sling the word “blacklist” around.

Kept in reserve up to now, though, have been their good buddies in the legal profession. You know, the ones Bill Shakespeare suggested we eradicate.

Now the ambulance chasers have been called into action. In an attempt to silence a fledgling Web site, www.boycott-hollywood.us, a big-name agency has apparently decided to take the legal route.

Lisa S., founder of the Web site, told me that she’s received more than 100 death threats via e-mail since the site went online in March. She was particularly troubled by one threat that indicated the sender of the e-mail would “shoot them [those who run www.boycott-hollywood.us] in front of their mothers and fathers.”

Apparently the site’s domain registrar received a letter from a law firm purporting to represent the William Morris Agency. The letter had an accusatory tone and was filled with typical legalese.

Then Lisa S. received a note in her e-mail box. The note said that the registrar “received a consumer complain[t] regarding the above listed domain names. Upon review of our whois records, it appears that you willfully provided inaccurate information and the contact information is blatantly bogus. This action is in violation of ICANN rules regarding accuracy of contact information, and constitute a material breach of your Registration domain name registration agreement …”

Following all the legal mumbo-jumbo, the site went down for a while. But it’s back up and is seeking a new registrar and domain.

The Left Coast Report guesses that in Hollywood it’s all about the best censorship that money can buy.

PETA Pecks at Jason Alexander

After a week of performances in San Francisco, Jason Alexander and Martin Short brought the stage version of “The Producers” to Los Angeles.

But lying in wait for Alexander was PETA. The group was unhappy about the actor’s association with fried poultry.

The folks at PETA planned on staging some kind of demonstration at the play’s preview, so Alexander met with PETA potentate Ingrid Newkirk.

According to the New York Post, PETA increased its leverage with the syndicated “Seinfeld” buddy by letting the word out that the animal rights group was going to run an ad in Hollywood Reporter. The ad reportedly would have shown Alexander holding a bucket of rotten chicken underneath a headline “KFC Cruelty Producers: Starring Jason Alexander.”

Newkirk evidently persuaded Alexander to request more humane treatment for the chickens of KFC, including “a perch” and “room to lie down.”

The Left Coast Report supposes the incident would’ve made a great “Seinfeld” episode – “The Chicken Soup Nazi.”

Unsorry State of Garofalo

Can you believe it? Janeane Garofalo is apparently still waiting for democracy to arrive in America. She’s also taking her sweet time offering any apologies. Actually, she’s emphatically unapologetic.

The comedian told The Progressive that she’s “not sorry for speaking out for my First Amendment rights. I'm not sorry that I have demanded that my news do its job. I'm not sorry about that. This will potentially be one of the worst chapters in American history that will go on for twenty or thirty years, until democracy, in some fashion, is established.”

On ABC’s “The View,” Garaofalo let loose with some free speech that came in the form of attacks on Fox News Channel. She said: “I don't know what is more alarming over at Fox News. Is it that they know that, in the bigger picture, there's a lot of problems over there and they scrub the information or, B, they don't know because they don't watch the news?”

Meanwhile, ABC has Garofalo slated for a midseason sitcom called “Slice o' Life.” It supposedly will include in the cast Rainn Wilson from “Six Feet Under.”

The Left Coast Report believes, judging by Garofalo’s view, a better title for the show might be “Crumbs o’ Life.”

David Lee Roth’s Shotgun Strategy

A fellow who was ultimately arrested for the possible possession of drugs realized a tad too late that he’d climbed into the wrong backyard.

According to the Associated Press, the guy scaled a fence to evade police who were pursuing him. He was probably amazed when he found out that the owner of the Pasadena home, whose backyard was temporarily providing him shelter, belonged to former Van Halen front man David Lee Roth. But an even bigger surprise was coming.

According to the rock star’s publicist, Lathum Nelson, Roth had a shotgun and brandished it to keep the dude stationary until the cops came. Nelson said, “Dave cornered the guy with his shotgun … When the cops got there, he put the gun away.”

The Left Coast Report can only imagine what’ll be going on in this guy’s head the next time he hears the Van Halen tune “Jump.”

Driving Mr. Weaver

Remember Steven Spielberg’s cult film “Duel” starring Dennis Weaver? In the movie, Weaver’s character desperately tries to avoid being squashed by a mad trucker.

Well, now Weaver seems to be having another kind of auto-body experience. The actor is planning to bring a petition to the president and Congress. The petition is apparently an attempt to obtain a “Declaration of Independence” – energy independence, that is.

Part of Weaver’s so-called freedom vision includes a government-mandated 5 percent increase in mileage standards.

Ironically, as part of his “Drive to Survive,” Weaver may end up consuming a bunch of energy. He plans to drive a car from Santa Monica, Calif., to Washington, D.C.

The Left Coast Report asks, “Do you think we could persuade Weaver to take Arianna Huffington with him?”

Pinch-Hitting for ‘Bull Durham’ Buddies

“Bull Durham” star Kevin Costner recently stepped up to the plate again. This time it was to defend fellow thespians Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon.

Costner apparently felt the need to speak out about the cancellation of the 15th anniversary celebration of the baseball movie in Cooperstown, N.Y.

As Robbins and others have tried to do, Costner attempted to tie the cancellation of the event to the First Amendment.

“They're just really voicing that right that we fought a long time ago for,” Costner told the Associated Press.

“He’s a good man and she’s a really good woman; she’s a thoughtful woman. We don't need to be separating them from us. We need Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon,” the soggy supporter added.

The Left Coast Report thinks once again a celebrity who’s invoked the First Amendment has missed the ball and struck out.

Clooney’s ‘K-Street’ Capers

“The West Wing” is in trouble in the ratings, and creator-producer Aaron Sorkin is jumping off the sinking ship. But fans of distort-TV shouldn’t fret – “K-Street” is coming.

The new show is the brainchild of actor George Clooney and director Steven Soderbergh. It’s supposedly about the daily frolics of political advisers.

Following in the footsteps of “The West Wing,” the program will enlist the help of real-life consultants. Its production team includes Mike Deaver, James Carville and Carville’s wife, Mary Matalin. “We're filming a television series about the procedure of government,” Clooney told the Washington Post.

And Carville colorfully explained to the Post what he, his wife and Deaver would be contributing to the series. “We're like piano players at a whorehouse. We're just trying to pick up things as we go along,” to which Matalin reacted, “Please, please, don't use that line.”

The Left Coast Report recalls that Clooney’s the guy who called the president “dim” and made fun of Charlton Heston’s infirmity. Any question about which direction this series is going to slant?

The Left Coast Report is put together by James L. Hirsen and the staff of NewsMax.

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