Neal Boortz
Monday, Dec. 10, 2001

Have you seen that video of the two CIA agents trying to interrogate John "Taliban" Walker in that Afghan fortress?  One of those agents was Johhny "Mike"Spann.  Walker wasn't talking.  He said nothing.  Hours later Mike Spann was dead … attacked and killed by Walker's Taliban pals.

Now we learn that The Mullah of Marin is going to be turned over to U.S. civilian authorities "as soon as possible."  It can't be too soon for the Marines who are guarding his miserable life at Camp Rhino.  I suspect they would just as soon shoot the bastard as protect his life. 

It's probably a safe guess that Walker knew of the planned Taliban prison uprising.  He knew they had smuggled weapons into the fortress.  He could have saved Spann's life by talking.  He remained silent.

So … it looks like we're going to have our show trial in the U.S.  Mullah Walker charged with treason, murder, conspiracy – or one of several other charges.  

So, who do you think his pandering parents will hire?  Dershowitz?  Cochran?  Let's see, what will Cochran's punch line be this time?  "If the beard doesn't grow, you must let him go!"

Nevada Democratic Senator Harry Reid is a lawyer.  Did you hear him with Brit Hume this weekend?  Of Johnny Taliban Reid said, "Looks like a poor, pathetic soul to me."

"Poor, pathetic soul."  He's a damned traitor. He took up arms against U.S. Marines.  He participated in an enemy uprising that took an American life … and he's a "poor, pathetic soul"?

This is just the beginning.  Wait until Perky Katie and Dashing Diane get their emotional hooks into the TV audiences, with poor, pathetic John Taliban sitting there.

I like what Georgia Democrat Zell Miller has to say on this one.  Strip the twerp of his American citizenship and have him tried by young Marines – the same ones he was fighting against.

There is word that Walker is now cooperating with American operatives.  If his cooperation turns out to be valuable, then let him serve life instead of hanging him.

Why Does Cynthia Tucker Have Such a Big Problem With the Rule of Law?

When John Ashcroft was first nominated to be the attorney general, we heard howls of anguish from the leftists.  They were afraid that Ashcroft would put his personal political and moral philosophy first and would work to circumvent the law in certain areas – abortion, for instance.

Now, in true form, the leftists are upset with Ashcroft.  Not because he is circumventing the law, but because he refuses to do so.

Did you folks happen to read Cynthia Tucker's column in yesterday's Atlanta Constitution?  Tucker, as you may well know, is absolutely terrified at the thought of private citizens using firearms to protect their families, themselves, and their property.  She has a long and rich history of writing factually incorrect columns decrying private gun ownership.  Her anti-gun psychosis is blatant and well-documented.

In yesterday's column Tucker calls for John Ashcroft to be fired.  More particularly, she calls for Ashcroft to be fired for refusing to break the law!  She wants the attorney general of the United States to be fired for refusing to break a law that he is sworn to uphold!

At the beginning of her column Tucker says that "… the attorney general – best friend to gun fanatics – refuses to allow the FBI to use a law-database to investigate whether suspected terrorists have purchased or tried to purchase firearms." 

What the attorney general refuses to do here is to allow the FBI to break the law.  It's a fact that the law simply does not allow the FBI, or any other government agency, to use purchase records to determine who did and who did not buy a firearm.  

Legislators were concerned, rightfully, that allowing the records to be used in this manner would enable eventual confiscation when the leftists get the absolute control of the power of government they so earnestly covet.

Tucker wasn't through.  She had to display her ignorance (or psychosis) yet again.  Later in the column she writes that Ashcroft has "… decided that gun-purchase records may not be used to check whether foreigners have tried to buy firearms; they have a right to privacy that must be protected." 

Again, John Ashcroft did not "decide" that gun-purchase records may not be used to see who did and who did not try to buy a firearm.  It's a matter of LAW.  The LAW states that these records cannot be used in this manner.

Interesting, isn't it?  An editorial page editor for a "major" newspaper demanding that the attorney general be fired … for upholding the law.

Are You Aware of a Controversy Over This?

I read so many newspapers over the weekend that I can't remember just where I saw this.  I understand, though, that there is some controversy erupting among some religious fanatics over the rumor that a New York priest actually gave the Catholic last rights to a (gasp!) homosexual after the attack on the Twin Towers!  These people are so sickening.  The fanatics – not the homosexuals.

Condit's Going to Run Again

He's a Democrat.  Enough said.

Where in the World Is Osama bin Laden?

Reports in Afghanistan over the past few weeks have placed Osama bin Laden hiding deep in the caves of the area known as Tora Bora. The U.S. has been pounding the camel squeeze out of these cave areas with bunker busters and other specialized bombs.

Now a Northern Alliance spokesman says that bin Laden has personally taken command of the fighting and fled, with about 1,000 of his people, into the forests of nearby Spin Ghar, where they are "fighting for their lives." As with all unconfirmed reports like this, it should be taken with a grain of salt – but I do rather like the idea of bin Laden actually fighting to stay alive, so long as he loses the fight.

Well .. here's another twist.  Osama's wife – the "estranged one" – is saying that Osama is planning some sort of a TV extravaganza.  He's going to kill himself on live TV.  He reportedly will order his elder sons to shoot him … an event that is supposed to be the signal to commit more acts of terrorism. 

This time, according to Sabiha, the targets would be the U.S. Capitol, Big Ben in London and the Eiffel Tower in Paris.  Wonder if it will be pay-per-view?

My guess?  At the point bin Laden knows his goat is cooked he'll find a way to make sure his body is never found. 

Smile, You're on Kandahar Camera

Vice President Dick Cheney confirmed on Sunday that the U.S. has in its possession a videotape which was found in a private home in Jalalabad. Some people have referred to the tape as a "smoking gun."

It shows Osama bin Laden being "interviewed" about Sept. 11. He relates that he was at a dinner when word came about the first plane to hit the WTC. He announced the news to everyone there and the dinner party cheered.  After the cheers subsided bin Laden told them more was coming.

He then tells the interviewer that the damage to the towers was far more than expected. He thought only the floors above the point of impact would collapse. At another point in the video, he smiles as he recalls that many of the hijackers were not aware that it was a suicide mission.

It is such an unbelievable piece of evidence that the government had doubts that it was real. But after extensive testing, the video was proven to be legit. They say confession is good for the soul ... but that's assuming you have a soul.

And Those Poor Unsuspecting Terrorists

You know, the ones who didn't know they were on a suicide mission?  There is some evidence that only about four of the 19 participants in the hijackings knew what was really going to happen.  Nice guys, those terrorists.  They murder their own.

President Bush had it just right last week.  He wondered aloud just why it is that it is always the young Muslims – the ones with most of their lives ahead of them – who are sent to blow themselves up, while the older Muslims – the ones close to their eternal dirt nap anyway – sit safely back at home and call the shots. 

Such a Good Boy!

Osama bin Laden's mother, aka Mama Osama, says that she is a bit disappointed in her son's ambitions and actions, but she's not angry with him. "Like all mothers, I am satisfied and pleased with my son and pray to God to guide him and save him." 

Aside from the fact that Osama has a face only a mother could love (or Rosie O'Donnell), she evidently is willing to overlook the fact that he is responsible for thousands of innocent deaths, not to mention the entire devastation of Afghanistan. After all, he is her son. I'm sure she believes he meant well. 

Too Bad Bill Clinton Didn't Have This Idea

A Filipino farmer was reading the book of Matthew. In particular, Matthew 18:8, which reads, "If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire."

Okay. So our Filipino hero decided to cut off the cause of his sin.  Yup – you got it.  That's exactly what he cut off.   Family members (pardon the expression) said our hero thought his trouser mouse was driving him to sin.  

You know, if Clinton had taken Matthew 18:8 to heart, it might have saved the taxpayers a lot of money and trouble.

The Best-Laid Plans

I'm sure there are a lot of male listeners out there who feel that they are being saddled with unjust child support payments.  Usually the payments are entirely justified – and should be higher.  Every once in a while, though, some man somewhere is truly a victim of a legal travesty.

Such is the case with some poor putz in Sweden.  Here's the deal.  This man is close friends with a couple of lesbians who decide they want a baby.  They further decide that it would be oh so cool if their male pal were the father.

So our sucker visits the local fertility clinic to make the appropriate donation ... which donation is then transferred to the "account," shall we say, of one of the Insurmountable Odds.  Alas … a child is born.  Three years later the lesbians end their relationship.

Now … just who do you suppose has been ordered to pay child support?  You got it!  Sven the sperm donor.  It's going to cost him $265 a month.  Here we have proof of two things:  (a) no good deed goes unpunished, and (b) the only safe way to be a sperm donor is to be an anonymous sperm donor. 

Neal Boortz is the hugely popular nationally syndicated radio host.

Read more on this subject in related Hot Topics:
Al-Qaeda
Guns/Gun Control
War on Terrorism