Tags: candy spelling | tori | advice | stop | blaming | parants

Candy Spelling's Advice for Tori: 'Stop Blaming Your Parents'

By Alexandra Ward   |   Friday, 09 May 2014 07:03 AM

Candy Spelling is not shy about her strained relationship with daughter Tori Spelling, and now the 68-year-old is speaking out in a new memoir about life, parenting, and relationships.

"I am by no means saying that I am the perfect mother now or I didn't make mistakes when my children were growing up. In therapy I learned that I was passive-aggressive and that I also had poor communication skills," Spelling writes in "Candy At Last," a new memoir published this week. "Having said that, I also believe that there comes a time when you have to stop blaming your parents. I have learned from my own journey that at some point you have to take responsibility for your own actions and attitudes."

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Candy Spelling and her 40-year-old daughter — whose Lifetime show "True Tori" chronicles the ups and downs as she and husband Dean McDermott try to recover from a cheating scandal — have a famously contentious relationship. The Spelling matriarch says in the book that she now has a better grasp on why she and her daughter have trouble getting along.

"Tori and I are a work in progress and probably always will be," she writes. "I notice that the more my self-esteem expands, the less patience I have for the pursuit cycle she creates when she shuts me out. We have a pattern, and until we can break it hand-in-hand, this is going to be the little dance she and I do together."

Many have criticized the Spelling children as entitled rich kids — something Candy Spelling also touches on in her memoir.

"My husband and I handed everything to our children, only later to realize that pushing up your shirtsleeves and digging in your heels is character building," she writes. "I think the best way to explain my perspective is to quote George Clooney's character, Matt King, in 'The Descendants.' At the beginning of the movie, Matt explains his family's intergenerational wealth. Matt says that his father wanted him to have 'enough money to do something but not enough to do nothing.' That pretty much sums up how I feel."

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