UN Global Warming Report Is Laughable

Friday, 27 Sep 2013 04:39 PM

By Simon Conway

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So the latest U.N. “We’re All Gonna Die” Report has come out and it tells us that they are "95 percent certain" that man is responsible for "at least 50 percent of Global Warming.
The mainstream media is very excited! "U.N.: Man to blame for Climate Change," screams USA Today. “Scientists say Earth has warmed, snow and ice diminished, sea level up, and humans are largely to blame,” says CBS. “Climate scientists’ report: Global warming almost certainly man-made” according to the Washington Post, and “Humans blamed more clearly than ever for global warming” from NBC News.
Despite all this, they don’t really want you to know that in the report that is “95 percent certain” they concede that global temperatures have barely risen at all in the last 15 years. That . . . wait for it . . . “natural variability” . . . might be responsible for that. What’s this “natural” stuff? You mean the climate does things on its own?
No mention of Arctic ice increasing 60 percent. No mention of Antarctic ice at a 35-year RECORD high. Nothing. Nada!
We should be particularly worried about motherland Britain, where they say temperatures are expected to COOL . . . again, wait for it . . . “Some scientists have warned that the cooling would hide the impacts of global warming on the U.K.” Let’s try that again, in BOLD this time: “Some scientists have warned that the cooling would hide the impacts of global warming on the U.K.” Ya think?
All the usual warnings are there, obviously:
  • Continued emissions of greenhouse gases will cause further warming and changes ranging from melting ice sheets to sea level rises. 
  • Temperatures look set to rise more than 2C above pre-industrial levels without ambitious action to reduce emissions.
  • Sea levels are expected to rise by between 26cm (10 inches) and 82cm (32 inches) by the end of the century.
  • Climate change will also affect rainfall, with extreme rainstorms expected to get more intense and more frequent by the end of the century.
  • Most aspects of climate change will persist for many centuries even if emissions of carbon dioxide are stopped.
Wait a minute. What did that last one say? “Most aspects of climate change will persist for many centuries even if emissions of carbon dioxide are stopped.”
So if we STOP (not reduce) carbon dioxide emissions today, climate change will continue for “MANY CENTURIES.” Now clearly we can’t STOP them and no one is even suggesting that we do. But apparently we have to cripple the United States economically (I should say further cripple because of course the current administration is doing a great job on that anyway) because, well, they can’t answer that.
Even if you believe the hoax, if that last bullet point doesn’t give you pause, then frankly I don’t know what will. I do have some suggestions however to help the planet.
  • Are you still breathing? STOP! Every time you breathe out you are releasing carbon dioxide into the atmosphere.
  • Did you walk or cycle to work today? DON’T EVER use your car again (including the Volt people). Do you know how much energy and therefore carbon dioxide it takes to make each car? You’d be shocked!
  • Are you living in a tent yet? That of course would include the winter. Living in a house or apartment is KILLING US!
  • Are your kids in school? PULL THEM OUT RIGHT NOW! Do you have any idea how bad the carbon footprint is on those places?
  • Are you reading this on a computer? Yes, I know it’s only available online, but seriously, that monitor is murdering Mother Earth. TURN IT OFF!
  • Obviously by now because you care so much, you have stopped using the toilet because the energy it takes to pump water to your house is not good.
  • Did you go to the gym today? That’s REALLY bad! When you increase your heart rate, your oxygen intake increases and your carbon dioxide output goes up as well.
  • Finally, if you really want to help the planet, would you do us all a favor and die. Every year you are not alive saves the earth 8.4 tons of carbon dioxide.
Simon Conway is the afternoon drive host of News Radio 1040 WHO-AM in Des Moines, Iowa, a 50,000-watt powerhouse where Ronald Reagan started his career. Conway was born in London. He began his professional career as a 16-year-old journalist at the Jerusalem Post in 1976. Read more reports from Simon Conway — Click Here Now.


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