Tags: carney | jay | obama

What Jay Carney Could Tell Us

Monday, 02 Jun 2014 08:19 AM

By Jon Friedman

With the announcement last week that White House Press Secretary Jay Carney is resigning, speculation is building that Carney knows President Obama's juiciest secrets. Naturally, talk has been spreading, too, that big New York publishers will be clamoring to acquire the rights to a tell-all book.

Carney, naturally, isn't saying anything about that. And it is unlikely that such a loyal aide would turn on the POTUS. But I'd like to imagine what an installment from Carney's official diary might say. Let's imagine a typical day:

9:00: Barack summons me into his office to tell me a secret. He has been practicing hard to defeat LeBron James, who will be his official guest later today for a game of one-on-one. "I owe him one," Barack says.

11:20: LeBron finally arrives — 20 minutes late. Barack is excited. Barack tells Vlad (Putin) he had an "emergency" and that he'd have to call him back in two hours. (Gee, I sure hope the Ukraine isn't blowing up).

11:30: After a few pleasantries, LeBron drops a bomb on the POTUS: He prefers to play a game of HORSE instead of onion one. POTUS is quietly furious — I know that look — but he gives in.

12:30: It's going to be a bad day. Barack is very upset Despite his elaborate training regimen, LeBron "schooled" him at their game of HORSE. LeBron engaged in some good-natured trash-talking to cap off his victory, as if he were playing the Utah Jazz and not the president! "I'm the real LBJ," LeBron tells him. Barack is not happy.

1:00: LeBron turned down the POTUS' offer of a rematch, saying he didn't want to be late for a meeting in Arlington with Warren Buffett. Boy, was he steamed about THAT! LeBron comes and goes but Barack will take it out on me later.

4:00: POTUS has been in seclusion all day, sulking about his defeat to LeBron. I knock on his door to make sure he's doing OK, only to find him ripping out a package of Ring-Dings. He looks stern. "This never happened. Michelle can't know about this, Jay. I'm serious!"

Oh, the stories that Jay Carney could tell, eh?

Jon Friedman writes the Media Matrix blog for Indiewire.com. He is also the author of "Forget About Today: Bob Dylan's Genius for (Re)Invention, Shunning the Naysayers, and Creating a Personal Revolution." Read more reports from Jon Friedman — Click Here Now.

© 2015 Newsmax. All rights reserved.

Around the Web
Join the Newsmax Community
Please review Community Guidelines before posting a comment.
>> Register to share your comments with the community.
>> Login if you are already a member.
blog comments powered by Disqus
Zip Code:
Privacy: We never share your email.
Hot Topics
Follow Newsmax
Like us
on Facebook
Follow us
on Twitter
Add us
on Google Plus
Around the Web
Top Stories
You May Also Like

Nation Feeling Obama Burnout

Monday, 25 Aug 2014 08:02 AM

Obama could have looked dynamic if he had ventured forth to riot-torn Ferguson, Mo. . . .

'Ice-Bucket Challenge' a Winner for Social Media

Wednesday, 20 Aug 2014 11:27 AM

It seems that a social-media phenomenon has exploded in which people spill a bucket of ice water over their heads and pa . . .

Media Tear Into Tiger Woods

Monday, 11 Aug 2014 08:33 AM

I was legitimately wondering what the people's sentiment is these days about the star we loved to hate a few years ago. . . .

Most Commented

Newsmax, Moneynews, Newsmax Health, and Independent. American. are registered trademarks of Newsmax Media, Inc. Newsmax TV, and Newsmax World are trademarks of Newsmax Media, Inc.

America's News Page
©  Newsmax Media, Inc.
All Rights Reserved