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Friday Aug 02 2013

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Happy birthday to President Obama! He will be 52 years old on Sunday. I bet he can't wait for Michelle to wheel out that tofu cake with the broccoli icing.

If you'd like to get the president a gift, you can't go wrong with Edward Snowden. He would love that.

There's a big fight in the Republican Party between Chris Christie and Rand Paul. In an effort to end the spat, Paul offered to have a beer with Christie. But Christie refused. Christie said, "It's going to take a lot more than a beer to win me over. You're going to need wings, stuffed potato skins, tater tots, ribs, onion rings — I need the whole deal.

The White House approved an exemption in Obamacare coverage for Congress and members of their staff. Members complained that the Affordable Care Act will cost them thousands extra a year in premiums. Wait a minute. It's their bill. If it's too expensive, why did they name it the Affordable Care Act?

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

This is the 26th year of shark week. It started as a gimmick in the late 1980s. It has grown into a cultural phenomenon that scares the crap out of everyone. It's like David Hasselhoff.

Shark week is so awesome. I'm surprised other networks don't also have shark-themed programing. Shows like "Sharks and Recreation," "How I Ate Your Mother," and "The Tonight Show With Jaws Leno."

A couple of years ago Ryan Seacrest was actually bitten by a shark. That's true. Can you imagine being in the water with a ferocious man-eater like that? And the shark's pretty scary too.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

In an interview with Univision, Anthony Weiner said he created the online name, Carlos Danger, as a joke. Weiner was like "Come on, what's funnier than the name Carlos Danger?" They we're like, "uh, Anthony Weiner?"

The NFL is about to get its first full-time female referee. Good for them. It will be a little different though. When a player asks her what he did wrong, she'll say "Oh, you know what you did."

Amazon said it's going to hire at least 5,000 new employees. They were originally going to hire only 4,000, but realized if they added a few more, they'll get free shipping.

 
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