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Friday Jul 19 2013

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

The son of Jerry Sandusky, the Penn State pedophile, has filed papers to have his last name legally changed. You can’t blame him. The weird thing is he's changing it to "Zimmerman."

According to an English newspaper, a mystery fan has been leaking the results of professional wrestling matches before they even begin. He knows who is going to win and he puts it online. That Edward Snowden has gone too far!

Is that really a big deal, knowing ahead of time who's going to lose? I mean, Cubs fans have been dealing with that for years.

Researchers in New Mexico say that brain scans of prison inmates can predict whether they will commit another crime. You know another good way to predict? They're already in prison.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

About 135,000 people have descended on San Diego for Comic-Con. I think Comic-Con might have jumped the shark. I'll tell you why — because I'm going. It's like Sundance Film Festival. I remember when Sundance was cool, all about independent film and serious art. Now it's a place where Paris Hilton goes to party.

I am the Paris Hilton of Comic-Con. If I'm going, it is no longer relevant. Now all I need is a little dog and a sex tape. I'm kidding. I've already got them.

The reason I'm going to Comic-Con is I'm moderating the "Doctor Who" panel. I've been watching "Doctor Who" since the 1960s. But there'll be people at Comic-Con who know a lot more than I do. If I don't know the title of a particular episode, or if I mispronounce the name of an alien planet, I will be shamed like Paula Deen at the BET awards.

A lot of guys go to Comic-Con dressed as super heroes. Comic-Con is a great place to go if you want to see what all your favorite super heroes would look like if they stopped working out and ate only ice cream.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

The temperature got up to a 100 here in New York City. And now doctors are warning people about something called “heat rage.” It's a real thing, where people to overreact when it gets too hot. It's similar to those other conditions in New York: cold rage, lukewarm rage, and just regular old rage.

A woman in Pennsylvania was just in the news for giving birth to a baby that weighs 13 pounds, 12 ounces and is more than two feet long. You could tell it was big because when it was time to go home, the baby said, “You want me to drive?”

KFC is coming out with a more upscale restaurant that won't feature any pictures of Colonel Sanders. Because if anything is gonna make KFC more fancy, it's taking out the only person in the restaurant dressed like a gentleman.

A new report says that Audis are more likely to be driven by men who cheat on their wives. While their wives are more likely to wind up with that Audi.

 
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