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Monday Jul 15 2013

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

According to a new study, inactivity can kill you. You can die from doing nothing. Believe me. These findings scare the hell out of the Congress.

President Obama told a group of school children that broccoli is his favorite food. You know, it's one thing to lie to the voters, but when you’re lying to kids, come on.

NSA leaker Edward Snowden says he may seek asylum in Russia. Well, he should really love the freedom and openness of that society.

In a landmark legal case, the Iowa Supreme Court has ruled a dentist could legally fire his female assistant because he found her too sexy and a threat to his marriage. You can be fired for being too sexy. I’ll bet that’s what happened to me here at NBC.

Conan

The royal baby is due today. Kate Middleton and Prince William are expecting the baby any minute now. The royals say they don't care what gender it is as long as it's healthy enough to never work a day in its life.

The royal baby's got it sweet. It's going to be born, realize who it is, and go, "Oh, yeah!"

The American version of royalty is back. That's right. Twinkies.

Twinkies are back on the shelves. And get this: People are complaining that they're smaller. Ironically, the people complaining about it are NOT smaller.

Late Show with David Letterman

It's crazy hot outside. I'll give you an example. Remember Joey Chestnut, the competitive eating champion who recently ate 106 hot dogs in a minute? It was so hot today that he ate 68 Dove bars.

Edward Snowden, the NSA leaker, wants asylum in Venezuela. He also wants to be able to have summer asylum in the Hamptons.

Baseball's All-Star Game will be right here in New York City today. Nothing is more exciting than watching overpaid players give 50 percent.

In this year's All-Star Game, the players' wives get to bat.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Britain is in a heightened state of alert. Right now they're in royal baby watch. Yes, everyone's on the lookout for the helpless little bald creature that will someday become the most powerful person in England. But enough about Prince Charles.

William's brother, Prince Harry, is said to be very excited. He'll be an uncle for the first time. And he will no longer be the only one running around in the royal palace naked.

Queen Elizabeth is also on pins and needles. Who can blame her? It's been 120 years since a British monarch has been alive for the birth of a great, great grandchild — or as Prince Charles noted, it's been 120 years, five months, three days, and 15 hours.

Doctors have warned that the birth could be very painful because there's a 1 in 4 chance it's going to have Prince Charles' ears.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Twinkies went back on sale for the first time in eight months. Twinkies are back. Grocery stores are calling it a good day for business, while Spanx is calling it a GREAT day for business.

New York City is all excited. We got the All-Star Game. I found out a ticket is $859. Or as fans call that, still cheaper than a hot dog.

$859 is a lot of money for an All-Star Game ticket. Or as the fathers hoping for a bonding experience with their sons put it, "You like the zoo, right?"

President Obama just called Russian President Vladimir Putin to discuss NSA leaker Edward Snowden, who's been living in Moscow at the airport. Obama asked that Snowden be sent back to the U.S., and in return Putin asked for a case of Twinkies.

 
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