Monday Jul 20 2009
Late Night Jokes Delivered to your Mailbox Daily!
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
According to a new poll, 42 percent of Americans say they would vote for Sarah Palin for president in 2012. They also said they’d support her decision to step down in 2013.
Gov. Sanford still trying to recover from his sex scandal. This weekend, the South Carolina governor wrote an editorial apologizing for his behavior. I’m not sure he’s sincere, though, because it starts out, “Dear Penthouse . . .”
The Harry Potter film has already brought in over $400 million worldwide. Those box-office numbers are even more amazing when you realize that nobody who went to the movie brought a date.
There’s a new iPhone app for “Harry Potter” fans that trains them in the art of casting spells and prepares them for duels with other wizards. Experts say it’s perfect for the “loser on the go.”
Late Show with David Letterman
Bernie Madoff’s wife is mad at Bernie. She’s really testy about his ruining her life. She said, “I may not wait that 150 years for you to get out. I may be long gone.”
To make matters worse, Bernie’s new wife, Chuck, is also mad at him.
Things are getting worse for Bernie — a New York call girl has come forward to say they had sex. And I said, “Wait a minute — you mean somebody actually made money from Bernie Madoff?”
It’s been reported that Paula Abdul may not being going back to “American Idol.” It looks like President Obama may have to nominate a new judge.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Surprises On The NASA Moon Landing Tapes
10. Neil Armstrong demanded to be addressed as "Spock"
9. Buzz Aldrin won $20 bet by eating a pound of moon dust
8. Sea of Tranquility had a place where you could rent kayaks
7. Audible meowing indicates someone brought a kitty
6. Were supposed to go to Mars, but the men refused to stop and ask for directions
5. Dumb scientist yelled, "They put a man on the moon? What? How'd they get him back?"
4. Someone at NASA taped over the first half with "Gunsmoke"
3. Due to time, NASA had to edit out the big dance number
1. Aldrin admitted taking one giant leap onto Armstrong's wife
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
It’s the 40th anniversary of the moon landing. To celebrate at the International Space Station, they unclogged the toilet.
The toilet is a “zero-gravity” toilet. I don’t know how it could be clogged, but it was. You know, I don’t want to know.
There was a huge fire at a medical marijuana facility in Los Angeles. The smog has been awesome today.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Today marks the 40th anniversary of the moon landing. It also marks 40 years since Neil Armstrong has had a new story to tell at parties.
The astronauts say it took 40 years to get that “moon smell” out of their clothes.
Astronaut Michael Collins was the pilot that day. But he only got to orbit the moon. That’s like being the designated driver on the greatest night of your buddy’s life.
Little known fact: Michael Collins didn’t get to walk on the moon because he chose paper instead of scissors.