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Wednesday Jun 26 2013

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

According to the American Medical Association, obesity is now a disease. Have you looked around? Apparently it's contagious.

Twinkies are going back on the shelf in July. Here's some Twinkies trivia for you. Twinkies are the only food that have a longer shelf life than the life of the average shelf.

Taco Bell restaurants will soon start marketing its taco meat filling under the name "protein." Instead of meat, they're calling it protein. Hey, I'm amazed they can still call it Mexican food.

The Supreme Court has overturned the Defense of Marriage Act. How about that? we don't need a Defense of Marriage Act. What we need in this country is a marriage cap. You're allowed three, and after that, you're done.

Conan

Paula Deen is still digging herself out of trouble. During an interview on the "Today" show she said she used the racist slur only once. The Food Network said that's why they fired her only once.

In New York, the new front-runner in the New York City mayor's race is Anthony Weiner. Some analysts say it's due to name recognition. Actually, I think a few people recognize more than just his name.

The National Institutes of Health announced today that it plans to retire over 300 chimps from medical research. This is great news for anyone out there who's in the market for a really mad chimp.

I wish they'd just let the chimps loose on Boca Raton.

Late Show with David Letterman

The Supreme Court has ruled the Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional. Once someone explains this to me I'm sure I'll be thrilled about it.

The next issue for the Supreme Court is defense of the Kardashian marriage.

Same-sex married couples are now entitled to the same benefits as other married couples. That's great news for the Lone Ranger and Tonto.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Tonight was the season premiere of "Big Brother" here at CBS. I didn't see it. I haven't seen it ever. I don't watch that crap.

The term "Big Brother" is from George Orwell's book "1984" — where everyone's watched over by a network of cameras called Big Brother. I've never understood why Orwell chose that phrase for somebody watching you all the time. Isn't that more like "Creepy Uncle"?

George Orwell predicted a lot of things that came true, like surveillance, endless wars, and the hypocrisy of the state. Then again, he also predicted Liberace would someday find the right girl.

Orwell was a fine writer and one of the funniest men in late-night television.

 
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